


Lessons of Love

by Nievelion



Series: Different Tales, Different Lessons [1]
Category: Kung Fu Panda (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Friendship, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-05 15:40:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 33,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21210980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nievelion/pseuds/Nievelion
Summary: Tai Lung and Tigress get married, while Po, Shifu, the Five, Mei Ling, Wu Jia, and Tai Lung's biological family variously carry out all the preparations, cause trouble, and enjoy watching the proceedings. Hilarity Ensues.





	1. Marriage, That Blessed Arrangement

Sunlight streamed in in lazy beams from the eastern windows, which had been thrown open wide to allow as much light and air as possible into the homey, high-beamed kitchen of the Jade Palace. They brought with them the scent of cherry blossoms and lemons on the breeze, the sounds of chirping birds and rippling water, and a very welcome warmth after the long winter which had shrouded the mountain for so long—all the indications of the same spring which had heralded the departure of Crane, Mei Ling, and Wu Jia from the valley a month ago.

They washed across the ancient, scarred wooden table which held so many memories. Chortles and giggles from a fat-cheeked, big-eyed, fluffy-tailed, eager-to-please kitten who quite happily and heedlessly flailed about, accidentally sending his bowl flying to land spinning, unerringly, upside-down atop a bemused Oogway's head. Many an evening enduring the terrible, appalling, vile insults and raunchy language of a certain canine cook in order to obtain access to the best meals he had ever tasted in his life, though it had been like having teeth pulled to admit that.

Discovering Po in the act of what had to be, in retrospect, the funniest and most scarily accurate imitation of Shifu he'd ever seen, to the delight of (most of) the Furious Five—who had never been encouraged to relax, laugh, or enjoy themselves at any point in their training…a mistake the severity of which he was only now beginning to understand. Feasts and festivals, ghost stories swapped on shadowy nights, old students long gone whose faces would never fade from his mind.

And more recently, the scandalous discovery of Tai Lung and Tigress, ah, "swapping spit and playing tonsil hockey" as his daughter herself and Mantis put it, respectively, right on top of that table. (He'd made them _both _scrub it down with lye and soapstone from morning till night after that, just to ensure any possible contamination—of the eating surface _or_ his mind—was well removed, before he let them make good their escape.)

As well as the much less disturbing but equally unexpected time he'd awoken in the middle of the night to a horrendous clatter, only to discover when he ran pell-mell to the kitchen the Dragon Warrior and his adopted son sitting on the floor—the panda wearing a cooking pot like a new type of Imperial hat, the noodles that had been inside adorning his shoulders and ears like a wig to complete the look, the ghostly-looking snow leopard covered from ears to waist in flour spilling from a broken bag. Both of them laughing until they cried. (He'd decided getting caught in the act was punishment enough for Tai Lung, judging by his mortified flush.)

Now the sunlight was also spilling across the red panda's own bewhiskered face as he sat, stiff and rigid as a tree trunk, on one stool, hands tucked into his sleeves while he fixed his unwavering gaze on the eyes of the snow leopard seated across from him. Neither set of orbs shifted; both remained unblinking, intense, filled with the same fiery passion and determination. An ear twitched; a throat cleared; a disdainful sniff disturbed the silence. Then at last, the feline facing him spoke: low, soft, and sibilant.

"I never thought this day would come. It took so long, and I came so very far, to get here."

Shifu kept his face an implacable mask; now, more than ever, he could not falter, he could not display emotion, for that way lay failure and ruin. "Indeed."

The snow leopard snorted disdainfully, arms crossed. "At last, after all this time, I will finally get what I want, what I have always dreamed of."

"So it would seem." The Grand Master lifted an eyebrow. "But I trust you are well aware you don't get something for nothing. There is always a price."

"That's what we're here to decide, isn't it?" A menacing, dark edge came to the silky voice. "Much is at stake here. It will be difficult to…strike the right balance."

Shifu's smile was wintry. "Yes, well, that rather goes with the territory for me." A bit ostentatiously, he lifted his Yin-Yang pendant to jostle it at the snow leopard.

"Funny. This isn't just a spiritual matter, you know. This is about the future, about doing what's right—getting justice, and making sure there are no mistakes this time." Vindication and self-confidence were equally in evidence in that lofty tone…soon turning to a certain sly smugness. "So…where is she? Did I…scare her off?"

Now, at last, he allowed resentment and determination to show as those familiar words were thrown back at him. Leaning forward and planting his hands on the table top, the red panda glared at the spotted feline. "This is between _you_ and _me_."

Blazing eyes met blue, the former narrowed and contemptuous, the latter adamantine and proud. Hackles rose and rippled along that curved neck, making the spots seem to dance in the silvery-gray fur. "So, this is how it's going to be…?"

Oversized ears pricked, flared, and stood at attention. "This is how it _must _be," Shifu said firmly.

Both their breaths, harsh and stentorian, filled the silence. For a few moments more, their eyes and wills were locked on one another as the incongruous sound of children's laughter floated up from the village miles below. Then, without warning, a hardened, callused paw slammed down an inch shy of Shifu's own hand. "Six hundred _yuan_. That is my first, last, and final offer."

"_What? _" the panda exploded, rising to his feet so as to stand on his stool (which though he cringed to admit it really didn't add much to his height). "Are you _mad _?"

Now that paw was lifted to meticulously examine each unsheathed claw in perfect counterpoint to its owner's sharp tone. "What's the matter, Master Shifu? I thought, after all you did for him for forty years, not to mention what happened after the Dragon Warrior defeated him, you'd leap at the chance to do anything for Tai Lung."

Shifu let out a growl of his own as he spoke through gritted teeth. "For your information, Mrs. Qiao, I would indeed pay _any_ price for my…your…son. Including that of my own blood, which I very nearly did shed for him. But this is not about him, it is about my daughter! You will of course be suitably compensated, nor would I expect a woman of your means to supply a sumptuous gift—this is a formality only, for I certainly do not need the money and we are both well aware our children love each other and will be happy together." His eyes flashed beneath his brows. "But that does _not_ mean you can make such a ludicrous demand for a dowry!"

The old farmwife, Qiao Jian, blinked with exaggerated care and gave him an openly innocent look that would not have fooled even Po. "Oh really? And here I thought Master Tigress was the apple of your eye. I suppose the stories I've heard about your paternal neglect were true, hmm? Or could it be she really _isn't_ good enough for my Gang after all?" A soft _tsk_ beneath her breath accompanied drumming fingers on her arm. "That price of mine may just have to go up a few hundred…or a few thousand."

Slowly, very slowly, the implications of that statement—to his relationship with Tigress should she find out how 'little' she mattered to him and to his position in these negotiations—sank in. And then Shifu's jaw fell open…and his eye began to twitch violently.

In retrospect, it really should have been no surprise that it would come to this. One of the first things Tai Lung's mother had asked him, once the overwhelming nature of his revealing himself had sunk in, was how soon he would be married so as to provide her (more) grandchildren—and even if it hadn't been, the thought that the snow leopard would not immediately and proudly launch into a detailed description of the amazing, intense woman he had grown to love was beyond belief. And once _that_ tidbit had been passed on, Qiao Jian had at once demanded that he delay the ceremony until such time as she could make it to the Valley of Peace to attend it…and meet Tigress for herself to determine how suitable a match she truly was.

Needless to say, Tai Lung would not have heard of his mother not being there to give her blessing to the union. And just about everyone in the Jade Palace had been eager to make the snow leopardess's acquaintance, especially Po and Tigress herself. But Shifu had been understandably wary. Even aside from the fact he privately worried he would now lose his son to the cat's real family, and was at least mildly terrified at how Jian would likely react to the full tale of her boy's fall into darkness (and the red panda's undeniably large part in it…), there was the simple fact he expected the woman to be as stubborn, determined, and focused on perfection as her son had been. Add to this her parental knowledge of the guilt trip and her feminine proclivity for using emotional appeals to get what she wanted, and…

He wasn't disappointed. While Jian had of course traveled to Hubei with her three other children in tow—two brawny sons who were the spitting image of Tai Lung and a plump, matronly daughter who looked to have been a svelte beauty in her youth—no sooner had she been greeted at the Jade Palace doors than she had immediately left them behind so as to sweep the ex-convict into her embrace. In the process, she'd also seemingly been unaware of almost trampling Shifu in her haste, nearly knocking him off the porch so that Viper'd had to catch him with a swift coil of her tattooed body.

What was worse to the red panda's mind was that she spent an inordinate amount of time greeting Po, Tigress, Viper, and even Mantis and Monkey before she finally got around to noticing he was there. Not that he begrudged the Furious Five their status, or wasn't as grateful for the Dragon Warrior's critical role in helping Tai Lung redeem himself, or agree that Jian had a right to meet her future daughter-in-law. But he _was_ the Grand Master of the Jade Palace here, not to mention the one who would be giving away his precious daughter to the snow leopard. Didn't he rate at least a bow?

Eventually the farmwife had given him precisely that (and, he had to admit grudgingly, with exactly the depth and angle he merited), as well as the proper honorific, but to his annoyance and reluctant respect he also realized she still regarded herself as his equal…and on some level, whether through her devotion to her livelihood or the sacrifice she had made for her son, he knew she was right to. That didn't make it any easier to swallow, however, especially once the details of the marriage proposal were addressed in earnest.

Because it was a foregone conclusion that Tai Lung and Tigress would wed (in fact both felines had threatened more than once to elope to Tibet and get a 'quickie' ceremony from some beatific Laughing Buddha monk if the traditional formalities were complicated or delayed any more than necessary), Shifu and Jian had swiftly come to an agreement that there would be no need for a go-between: they would negotiate the proposal themselves. Similarly, the fact that Oogway's ghost had given his seal of approval of the union seemed like unequivocal evidence that there were no omens in the heavens against this. (And since no one knew the hour and day of Tigress's birth, the marriage document couldn't be placed on the ancestral altar anyway.)

The only detail which could not be overlooked was consulting an astrologer to choose an auspicious date for the wedding—after the undeniable reality of the supernatural they'd all recently experienced, the last thing either the snow leopard or tiger wanted was to have their future (or that of their children) ruined by getting married on a day of ill fortune.

But once that had all been decided, matters had not been as simple as Shifu had hoped. For while he had quickly reassured Jian that, considering the state of her family's finances, he would waive the need for any gift to Tigress's family, the snow leopardess would not hear of it. And so had passed an almost painfully awkward hour or so during which the farmwife had presented him with one gift, token, and foodstuff after another that she had brought with her from Qinghai.

If it wasn't dumplings in cashew sauce, sweetmeats and sugar, or a wide variety of the local mushrooms, it was strong wool gloves and sturdy trousers, honey culled from her own bees, and plenty of pouches and packages of _rang pi _and _san zi_. Of course the Dragon and Phoenix bridal cakes were prominently present, and Jian had also brought a number of different teas ranging from green and apple to the highly appropriate peach blossom.

Promising to distribute the cakes to Po and the rest of the Five, Mr. Ping, and anyone else in the village who could be considered friends of the family (and privately glad he didn't have to endure the ridiculousness of being given congratulatory gifts by his own students—whatever gag gift Mantis or Monkey would have come up with made him cringe inwardly), Shifu at last breathed a sigh of relief.

But then, after Po had cooked on Shifu's behalf to make the reciprocative meal, had come their current dispute over the dowry.

"Yes, yes, of course," the red panda snapped irritably as he looked up from the scroll on which Jian had made her itemized list. "Food and other comestibles are an expected and traditional portion of the package. But a hundred bags of millet and corn each? _Five_ hundred bags of rice? I am well aware of Tai Lung's incomparable appetite but just whom do you think will be fed here, a whole army?"

Jian shrugged noncommittally. "It's just not just him, it's also for me. As his only living parent—and one of advanced age, I might add—I am entitled to a significant portion of this dowry, particularly since he won't even be leaving the Valley or this very mountain, so half of this won't even be useful to him. But it is tradition…and for my farm, it is practical." She eyed him significantly. "In Qinghai, we can only grow wheat and certain hardy fruit trees. We will need plenty of stores if we are to survive the harsh winters there, and I'd rather not have to purchase them from my son-in-law when the yield is scarce."

"You've done just fine by yourself out there for decades," he retorted. "I hardly think you've lost the ability to get by just because you're about to gain another daughter and have back a son who won't even be living with you. Fifty bags of each should be sufficient."

The farmwife narrowed her eyes. "Are you implying, after all my years of hard labor, that I'm going to start being lazy this late in life? Besides, after slaving away for so long to make ends meet, I rather think it's only fair I get the chance to rest, relax, and enjoy my twilight years without fearing where the next meal will come from. Isn't that supposed to be the gods' reward to us? I've _more_ than earned this chance, and do you really think Gang will wish me to suffer destitute? Four hundred bags of rice."

Shifu glared, not appreciating the 'tired old mother' guilt trip at all. "Kindly do not put words in my mouth, madam. I was, in fact, complimenting your tenacity and determination, something you and my son share in common. Seventy-five bags of corn and millet, a hundred and fifty rice."

"Why not, it's big enough for them," Jian muttered. Before he could do more than bristle fiercely, the snow leopardess sighed. "Thank you…but I am only asking my fair share and due. And in all honesty, my boys and I really do need this food. I know you will understand. One hundred, and three hundred."

It was the imploring look that did it—that and his memories of his long-ago days as a rice farmer's son. He knew what it felt like to go hungry when there was a poor crop. He knew what it was like to starve when your growing body needed nutrition…the elderly needed it just as much. And the Valley had so much to spare…

Closing his eyes and clasping his paws on the table, he finally nodded. "All right. One hundred and three hundred it is."

Glancing back to the list so as to avoid seeing her bright, moist eyes, Shifu continued scanning and ticking off items. "Chopsticks for a fast son, of course…dragon eyes and lotus seeds, good, good…warming bricks and a chamber pot, naturally…" He paused and shot her a skeptical look. "A _gold_ chamber pot? Clay and stone aren't good enough for you, hmm?"

Jian smirked. "You'd put something that fragile in a house with two kung fu warriors and plenty of rambunctious future grandchildren?"

"Point." He marked a few notations on the parchment. "Shrimp and carp, eggs…plums, mangoes, and apricots…" Shifu raised an eyebrow. "A silk painting kit? That is a very elegant gift, Mrs. Qiao, but I didn't realize your talents ran in that direction."

The snow leopardess chuckled softly. "Not for me…for Master Tigress. Someone will have to see to the decorating of their new home, and I certainly can't see my Gang doing that, can you?" She shrugged. "Besides, I hear it is quite relaxing."

Shifu quirked the corner of his mouth. He couldn't deny his daughter had much need of soothing, genteel pastimes; the question was how to broach the subject to her, let alone persuade her to apply herself to them, without getting his head bitten off. Tigress had changed much since Po was chosen as the Dragon Warrior and she admitted her love for Tai Lung, but not _that _much. _And she'll need instruction if she's to pull off that sort of artistry. I shall have to tap Crane, or Mei Ling, when they return to the Valley… _

Once more he consulted the list. "Broccoli, chives, bamboo shoots, leeks, mung beans…all quite fair and essential. Salt—for preservation I presume, not as a luxury…yes, out there in the hinterlands it would be much harder to keep food from spoiling while you stretched it out over the winter months…" Choosing not to observe just how dear salt was, other than to wince briefly at the expense, he continued on. "Ginseng and rhinoceros horn for medicine…" _Well at least she didn't ask for turtle plastron, that would have been far too disrespectful. _"Iron, farming tools, Dragon and Phoenix bedding, Li Shi strings, a tea set…"

He paused yet again, then set the scroll down and posted both fists on his hips. "Gold, silver, turquoise, and jade. _Jade_. Tigress wears very little jewelry, so I presume this is for you?"

Jian crossed her arms and eyed him pointedly. "It's not like you don't have plenty to spare around these parts. At this point I think the Emperor would give you anything you wanted as a reward. Jade enhances beauty…and after a life of hard work, I happen to believe I deserve a few perks to make things lovelier."

Shifu grunted. "Which would explain the silk, too, I imagine." He stabbed a finger down at the scroll. "But _ten_ yards of it? Why in the name of the Jade Emperor would you need so much?"

The snow leopardess looked innocent, but he wasn't buying that for a second. "My daughter and I need dresses, of course."

"For what?" The Grand Master was genuinely mystified.

"Festivals, naturally," Jian said coolly, as if it were the most sensible thing in the world. "We have a very large number of them in Qinghai, you know. So many more than here in the Valley. We have to be prepared."

He slammed his fists down on the table and lurched to his feet atop his chair—which again, sadly, didn't really elevate him as much as he might wish. "Oh, for the love of—festivals? With as much silk as _you're_ requesting, you could fit an entire Russian circus in there!"

The farmwife gave him a cold glare, and Shifu felt his heart sink into his feet. "It is _not_ polite to discuss a lady's weight." He stared at her for a few moments…and then groaned, burying his face in his hands and flopping forward onto the table.

After a few moments, he finally forced himself to sit up again and gaze at her sullenly. "And just how do you expect to cover the expenses for this—and everything else you've asked for?"

Jian clasped her paws atop the table and regarded him candidly. "I believe fifteen thousand _yuan_ should be enough."

"Fifteen _thousand_? Are you trying to bankrupt me?"

She blinked briefly. "I thought the Jade Palace's coffers were quite extensive. Was I mistaken?"

"No, they are quite ample. But…"

"Then what is the problem?" she inquired solicitously.

Shifu felt his eye begin to twitch yet again, more violently and wildly than it ever had in his life. "That…that is the most expensive, extravagant, and downright gouging offer I have ever heard! It would be the largest dowry ever asked for in this dynasty—perhaps any dynasty."

The snow leopardess's grin became smug. "Sounds perfect to me, then."

"You can't _possibly_ expect me to pay that," he snapped harshly.

"Why not? As you pointed out, our children will be living here. It's not as if all these items, or the money, will even be leaving the palace at all. Most of it, anyway."

He glowered. "That is _not_ the point! It…it is the principle of the thing…" His voice trailed off weakly as Jian met him, glare for glare, and even he realized how ridiculous and parsimonious his objections sounded.

For a very long moment he stared at her, their wills meeting and struggling, and his giving ground slowly but surely, while his eye continued to twitch and his paws clenched and unclenched on the scroll. At last he was the one to sigh, turn away, and lower his gaze. "Fine," he said, softly but still through gritted teeth. "Have it your way. Fifteen thousand it is, and you can have all the things on your list."

Jian smiled beatifically. "I knew you'd see things my way, Shifu." Magnanimously, she extended her aged paw across the table for him to shake.

As he accepted it to seal the deal, privately amazed at the strength it still possessed, the red panda smiled ruefully at knowing he'd been outwitted by a very astute and clever opponent, like none he'd ever faced before even in a kung fu arena. "You drive a _very_ hard bargain, madam."

A twinkle of merriment and cockiness entered her blue eyes, but then her gaze softened along with her voice. "Of course. Nothing but the best for my son."

Shifu lifted his head again, locking his blue eyes on her from beneath his bushy brows. "That is something we can _both_ agree on."

"Don't you mean something we _all_ can agree on?" The sudden voice from the kitchen doorway made Shifu whirl about, clapping a paw to his chest—and there, as he'd expected, stood Tai Lung, leaning casually against the doorframe, one arm crossed loosely over his broad chest while the other encircled Tigress's shoulders, nestling her comfortably and protectively against his body. He wondered how long they'd been standing there, listening in…but from the very amused, mocking grins both cats wore, he suspected it was for far longer than he would have wished.

Finally finding his voice, the Grand Master retorted tartly, "I thought you'd finally seen the light when it came to your own importance in the scheme of things, my son. Are you telling me you _still_ have not learned that lesson?"

The snow leopard tsked and flicked one ear, examining his claws as if for some invisible speck of dirt caught among them. "What did Oogway always say—'All of life is a lesson, and we are always both students and teachers'? Just add it to my account, I know I'll be studying that lesson for the rest of my life."

He paused, then grinned, winking. "But no, that's not what I meant. This dowry isn't just a tradition…it shows just how important both Tigress and I are to you, Father. Are you going to sit there and tell me, after all that's happened, that you're not going to give us everything we want, with interest?"

Shifu narrowed his eyes—despite the very astute point that after spoiling Tai Lung and pumping up his pride and sense of entitlement to ridiculous proportions, and neglecting and rejecting Tigress as a means of overcompensating, he owed his children far more than he could ever repay, somehow he didn't think lavishing gifts upon them was exactly the way to make amends. But by the same token…they _were_ the most important things in his life now, as they always should have been, and it was about time he showed it.

"No," he grumbled at last. "You're quite right…the two of you are both worth more to me than all the riches in the palace."

"Good answer," Tigress purred archly as she grinned up at her fiancé. "You may live."

Shifu groaned. "You're enjoying this far too much, you know."

"Immensely."

"No matter what happened in the past, I did _not_ do anything to deserve _this_," the red panda snapped.

Tai Lung yawned, then snickered. "Matter of opinion there, old man. I happen to see this as some _very_ long-delayed karma catching up with you at last."

The Grand Master slumped lower in his chair in defeat. "I know where you sleep."

"So? Doesn't mean you can sneak up on me any better than you could when I was growing up."

Jian chuckled. "Very good, Gang. That's telling him."

Shifu glared at her, then buried his face in his paws again. "I wish I were dead. I should be dead. You should have _let_ me die." He looked up accusingly at Tigress and Tai Lung. "This is why you really wouldn't allow it, isn't it? So you could have your last chance to get a nice, twisted bit of revenge on me?"

Tigress only smiled evilly at him, an expression which perfectly matched the one on Tai Lung…and, disturbingly, on Qiao Jian's face as well. Once more, Shifu fell forward on the table as feline laughter echoed and filled the kitchen. _It's true what I have always heard: cats are mean. _

* * *

Elbows propped on the windowsill beside the vase of orchids…which naturally enough reminded her of one given to her almost a year ago, by the very man who was making all this ceremony and preparation necessary…Tigress let out a huge sigh of frustration, impatience, and annoyance and turned away to stare about the room.

It wasn't that the view out the window was uninteresting, depressing, or dull; far from it! From where she sat, in fact, the striped feline could see from the edge of the village, over the moon bridges and the winding, silvery surface of the river, all the way across the Valley to the mountains which rose in sharp crags to the east. Laid out before her she could see farm fields, verdant forests, the vast garden-like park which rose onto the peaks' slopes, and above it all, the churning cascade which poured down in endless majesty, always shining day or night as it sent its misty spray high above the landscape. It was a breathtaking sight, to say the least.

But even the most wondrous of natural beauty could seem old and stale if it was all you had to look at, and had been doing so for the last several hours. And while she had learned to become more easygoing, forgiving, and open-minded since Po's coming to the Jade Palace, and having such a great and amazing love in her life also did much to mellow her, Tigress was not and would never be a very patient woman.

It didn't help that she felt the particular reason for her being sequestered away here was patently ridiculous, not to mention pointless and misogynistic. 'Here' being one of the most well-appointed chambers in the priciest inn in town, paid for naturally enough by Master Shifu. Despite his protests at the enormous dent made in the palace coffers by her dowry, the red panda had been most insistent on this point.

In the two months since he and Qiao Jian had reached their agreement, a whirlwind of activity had flown about the Jade Mountain and the village at its base—the erection of the wedding pavilion, the procuring and fashioning of gifts, the gathering of guests and food alike for the feast, and the obtaining of all the auspicious and symbolic items which would be needed for the ceremony. Word had been sent to Crane, Mei Ling, and Wu Jia so that the traveling masters could return in time for the wedding, while Monkey and Tai Lung had set at once to building the bridal bed. Po began planning the feast with a fanatic gleam in his eyes, an eager chortle, and briskly rubbed paws which, even as it endeared him to her all the more, made her wonder just how extravagant he intended to get.

And with surprisingly little coaxing from Tai Lung, Shen Xiulan had been persuaded to sew the wedding gown for Tigress as well as her entourage—at a discount price, of course. Despite the fact she knew this had to be meant as some small measure of apology for the way the cow woman had treated her in the past, the leader of the Furious Five was actually rather grateful that the seamstress had not attempted to waive the fee entirely, something which would have embarrassed them both.

However, that left only one final tradition to uphold on her end, the one which had resulted in her enforced stay here: that of the cockloft.

Since the felines, as yet, did not have a house of their own, and there was no such chamber even in the upper floors of the Jade Palace (it had, after all, been intended more for veneration, training, and the deposition of knowledge than for living in), the only choice was for Tigress to be housed somewhere in the village.

Even if that were not the case, Shifu would have demanded it for the simple reason he wished as much distance between her and the snow leopard as possible; while he wanted grandchildren, there would be plenty of time for that on the nuptial night, and he did not wish the auspices disturbed by his son's impatience to have yet another evening romp with his beloved. Besides, surely he could restrain himself for one night?

It wasn't that she had become a sex maniac, Tigress thought defensively as she stared gloomily around the admittedly sumptuous room with its braziers of incense, brightly-woven tapestries, ivory and teak silkscreen partitions for privacy, and lusciously soft bed complete with comforter and silk sheets. She simply hated being away from Tai Lung longer than necessary…and, she had to admit, even more galling was her inability to engage in any of her usual activities, especially training in the kwoon.

As if that wasn't bad enough, she'd now be forced to spend the night indulging in gossip, cooking, weaving, and other feminine pursuits! Even the presence of her dear friend Viper wouldn't mitigate it that much, since she'd be certain to try coercing her feline friend into indulging in makeup, flowers, and ribbons. Besides, she hadn't even arrived yet with their dinner, another reason for Tigress's annoyance and boredom…and if she was delayed because she was bringing along whom the feline thought…

With impeccable timing, there suddenly came a soft but brisk knock at the inn room door. Practically leaping out of her pelt, so on edge was she and eager to find a means to relieve her anxiety and boredom, Tigress rushed at once to unlock and open the door. She was already talking as she did so. "_There_ you are! It's about time, what kept you—?"

Viper slithered at once inside, with a rather odd, furtive look behind her as if she were expecting to be followed. She was carrying a small, white, trapezoidal hamper by a wooden handle, dangling from her mouth and wafting off the most delectable aromas the feline had ever smelled—though she allowed her ravenous appetite and empty stomach might be affecting her judgment. "You wouldn't _believe_ the line at Ping's, you'd think everyone would be saving up for the wedding feast tomorrow, but no!"

But Tigress had tuned her out, as well as the steaming food, because of what she had caught sight of behind her in the hallway—smiling (albeit a bit uncertainly), bearing her own dinner hampers as well as a basket containing, she supposed, whatever supplies and items Viper had deemed necessary for this 'sleepover', and looking a little travel-worn but otherwise as energetic and pleasant as ever, was Mei Ling.

Swiftly Tigress wiped the suspicion, distrust, and resentment from her face, immediately concealing it behind a mask of calm gentility. It wasn't that she disliked the mountain cat; any lingering animosity dating from when she had proven Tai Lung innocent of the attack on Po was by now long gone in favor of admiration and appreciation of Mei Ling's skills and knowledge. And everything the Li Dai graduate had done to help defend the Valley, stop the Wu Sisters, and protect Tai Lung had more than marked her as a heroine, ally, and fantastic warrior in the striped feline's book.

No, the real problem was that even now, almost a year after Mei Ling's flirtatious and inappropriate interactions with the snow leopard, Tigress was not altogether certain she could trust the mountain cat around her husband-to-be. She knew what Tai Lung had told her on the ledge below the palace, which Mei had later confirmed with some rightfully ashamed embarrassment, and what Crane had also attested to after a great deal of hemming, hawing, and flushing.

And she knew ever since Tai Lung's trial that the mountain cat had had her eyes set on the waterfowl, that their departure from the Valley was not only an exciting and enthusiastic way to add to their legends as brave kung fu warriors…but also a rather obvious and brazen disguise for a clandestine honeymoon.

Yet somehow she couldn't shake the feeling that Mei Ling might still have designs on her fellow master of the thousand scrolls. Loyal and honorable she might be, but the fair-weather way she'd flitted about China had to make Tigress wonder about her faithfulness. Not to mention the mischievous bent she shared with her half-sister Jia. She knew, objectively, that the mountain cat wanted to be with Crane and would never truly try to come between her and Tai Lung…but her heart was anything but objective. And now here she was, back in the Valley.

After several long, awkward moments of staring at each other in the silent room, Mei Ling quickly broke the tableau by turning to close and re-bolt the door behind her. Then, with a brightly cheerful smile, the mountain cat crossed over, unreservedly gave Tigress a hug despite her stiff posture, and sat down at the room's small table to begin unpacking the food. "It's good to see you again, Master Tigress. And as you can see, I've got a nice peace offering for you." She opened one of the white hampers, closing her eyes and smiling appreciatively at the fragrant steam wafting from within. "Mmm, and it's just as warm as when Ping first cooked it!"

Tigress shot Mei Ling a somewhat guilty and bemused look—she would make some comment about her feelings being that obvious, if she didn't know they really were and that Mei was hardly unintelligent or lacking in insight—and came to the table as well. "Since you must have picked that up several hours ago, that's rather impressive. Whose idea was that?"

"Ping's," Viper supplied as she slithered up to the last seat and began assisting Mei in removing dishware and cutlery from one of the other baskets they'd brought, then laying out the food. "I don't know how he came up with it, but these little boxes retain all the heat and keep the food ready for hours. So if his customers can't wait or the restaurant is too full, they can take their dinner home without losing any of the quality." The serpent smiled as she dexterously unwrapped the chopsticks. "Ping says it'll keep and keep. He's calling it 'take-out'."

The striped feline smirked and snorted. "It'll never catch on." Nevertheless, she was the first to dig in to the delicious meal.

For the next twenty minutes or so, no one said a word while they consumed their dinner—though Tigress supposed at least part of the others' silence was because they were so stunned by how fiercely and voraciously she was eating. Cheeks bulging with fist-sized dumplings, she chewed and swallowed as fast as she possibly could without choking, not only to fill her belly but to make room for more! Only when she had consumed over half her shrimp and won ton soup, and had moved on to her rice and noodles, did she slow down…and even then she still might have kept going if not for Viper's diffident cough and an incredulous squeak from Mei Ling's direction.

Looking up with a very defensive glare, she snapped, "What're you looking at? I'm hungry!"

"We can see that," the serpent noted, clearly trying very hard not to smirk.

The mountain cat didn't even bother hiding it, instead openly giggling. "Er…you've got something on your chin…"

Tigress crossed her eyes and peered downward; to her exasperation and resentment, she spied several noodles dangling from her lips and dripping soy sauce. Hurriedly she sliced them off with her claws, letting them fall back onto her plate. _Gah! I am **never** going to live that one down, am I? At least I didn't look like Shifu that time though… _

Swallowing the last mouthful, the striped feline continued eating at a much slower, more controlled pace. "So…how is everything? What's been going on while I've been held a prisoner here?" She quirked the corner of her mouth, even though she was only half-joking.

Viper blinked. "Oh come _on_, Tigress. I know what a workaholic you are, but it's only been _one day_."

She set down her chopsticks and folded her arms, regarding her old friend with a critical eye. "You've known me how many years now, and you can actually say that with a straight face?"

The serpent paused, then lidded her eyes. "Damn. You got me on that one."

Mei Ling looked a little confused. "I don't get it. You were cooped up _much_ longer than this, that month and a half when you were recovering from what Xiu did to you."

Tigress couldn't help inwardly bristling at the memory, and her whiskers twitched as well. "That was different. I may not have liked it, but I knew I had to stay still and rest if I wanted to heal, and that was a very good reason to do so. This time it's just because of some ridiculous old tradition." Turning to appeal to Viper, she added, a bit desperately, "I mean, surely I could sneak into the back gardens of the inn, go through the forms, get a little sparring in…"

But the serpent was already shaking her head, even if her expression was sympathetic. "Afraid not, even that's prohibited."

Tigress couldn't hold back her soft growl as her claws flexed on the table edge. "Screw the rules."

Viper smiled slightly. "Now why doesn't that surprise me…but, Tigress, this is for Tai Lung, too. Don't you want to do everything right, for his sake?"

It was on the tip of her tongue to declare that the snow leopard cared no more for musty old traditions than she did, and would be quite happy to flout them if it meant making things more comfortable for the woman he loved. And for that matter, that he'd hardly approve of Tigress being unable to work on her kung fu training, nor would he want her to suffer something he wouldn't be able to stand himself.

But then she sighed, forced her claws to retract, and lowered her gaze to the table. For despite all this, she knew she couldn't deny that she shouldn't be setting examples to inspire Tai Lung to be more dismissive of authority—she should be encouraging him to fit into society better, and to respect traditions and elders (albeit, only when they earned it).

And she did want everything to be perfect…aside from all the heartache and trouble she'd caused him when he was courting her, like any woman she wanted her wedding day to be beautiful and a memory to treasure all her life. Many women in China didn't even get to enjoy their big day, because their marriages had been arranged for them and all they had to look forward to was a life of servitude and abuse while they existed solely to produce babies for their husbands and the empire.

Now, when she had what every woman wanted, a man she'd chosen for herself, a man who would not abuse her (and how amazing that she could say that, in what was utter honesty, about _Tai Lung _of all people!), a man who only worshiped the ground she walked on and wanted to give her a happy, blessed, normal life…now she was willing to possibly jeopardize that by displeasing the gods, all for the sake of a silly tradition?

Looking up at last, she threw her paws in the air. "Fine, have it your way, I stay." The leader of the Five grunted, then glared petulantly at Viper. "I _hate_ it when you use Tai Lung against me."

A soft chuckle made her look at Mei Ling, who was now eyeing her with an artfully curled eyebrow. "I know why you just can't stand to be away from him for even a day, hon. But look at it this way: when you _do_ see him again, he'll be quite…pent-up."

For that, Tigress had no answer except a furious blush. She rather thought that was none of Mei's business, and tracked a little too close for comfort to why she still wasn't sure she could trust her fellow feline…but she also had to admit Mei had a very good point.

When the laughter had died down, the mountain cat continued, "Seriously though, Master Tigress, why are you so bent out of shape? Okay, with Master Shifu as an example I can see why you never learned much patience." She stuck her tongue out. "But I think you're the only person in the Jade Palace who wouldn't take advantage of one day off! Even Tai Lung knows to take it easy once in a blue moon." She paused, then let a chiding tone enter her voice. "And doing so doesn't make you lazy, you know."

The bride-to-be held up both paws in surrender. "You're right, you're right. I really should learn to take it easy. But old habits die very hard." She sighed, unable to keep the yearning from her voice. "And I really do feel left out of the loop in here. What's been going on? What's everyone been doing? Is everything going to be ready on time?" _I can't believe it, I sound like a gossiping courtesan! _

Viper smiled. "Tigress…breathe. Most of the work was done months ago, you know that. Monkey and Tai Lung already finished the bed, they'll have Yi and the other children bless it tonight. So all the boys took the night off and came down here to the village to hang out and have some fun for a change." At the worried look Tigress shot her, the serpent chuckled. "Don't worry, Monkey learned his lesson—he's staying well away from any alcohol from now on."

"Good," the striped feline snorted. She wanted to ask whether Tai Lung had gone along to chaperone, but she didn't want to sound so desperate for news of her fiancé…even though she was. So instead she said, "But that wasn't all I was worried about. Mantis has never been, shall we say, well-behaved…and somehow his time with Master Ning has made him even worse."

Mei Ling giggled. "I'll say!" When Tigress threw her an odd look, the mountain cat shrugged. "Well, while I was waiting for Viper to get back from Ping's, I, er, happened to sneak a peek on the boys' little get-together. They were at the Disarming Smile."

Tigress nodded. "I know the place. The best tavern in town, catering mostly to travelers, merchants, and their caravan guards. Very family-friendly, too."

"Yeah. Well anyway…Monkey may have sworn off the hard liquor, but that didn't stop Mantis!" The mistress of the thousand scrolls covered her mouth with a paw to stifle her snickers. "At least I _hope_ he was drunk, because if he was doing that all on his own, well…"

"_What_ was he doing?" In spite of herself, Tigress couldn't restrain her burning curiosity; aside from providing her all the entertainment she could ask for, whatever Mei Ling was about to tell her would provide excellent fodder with which to mock and tease Mantis for years to come.

The mountain cat winked. "Singing," she supplied readily. "And dancing. With the caravan guards."

"He was _not_!"

Mei Ling held up one paw to swear an oath. "Feline's honor—I don't need to make things like this up, not when they're happening right in front of my muzzle! Besides, Monkey and Crane were there and saw the whole thing too. Though I bet my _b__ă__o b__ă__o_ wishes he hadn't."

Tigress shook her head in disbelief, even as she, too, began to laugh. "Oh no…I always thought alcohol was a curse from the gods…now I'm beginning to wonder if it wasn't a blessing instead."

Viper smirked knowingly. "Well, let me see…when I finally left Ping's with the food, and found Mei, what all did I see and hear now? You haven't truly heard a Beijing opera until it's been performed by a bass-voiced insect. And I had no idea he could kick that high! Of course he had some pretty good dancing partners too…picture, if you will, seven burly rhinos and bulls all mincing, twirling, and gyrating about in a lotus pattern while Mantis was in the middle, pirouetting and choreographing them all."

The striped feline almost choked on her tea—and then began to laugh harder than she ever remembered doing in her life. "Oh _gods_! I wish I hadn't missed this…and the others, what were they…?"

The Li Dai graduate chimed in again brightly. "Oh, Monkey was pretending he didn't see a thing, he was very engrossed in sitting on the floor, showing a bunch of the village children how to work a finger-puzzle. He was so distracted by Mantis, I'm surprised he didn't get his fingers stuck in there for good, though. And Crane…" Mei chuckled endearingly. "He was sitting all by himself in a corner booth, hiding under his hat. I think he somehow believed he could convince everyone he had no idea who Mantis was, had never met him, and wouldn't be caught dead with him anywhere."

It took a long time after that for the laughter to die down. When it finally did, and Tigress could breathe well enough to keep her dumplings going down the right pipe, she found her mood had improved considerably. _Maybe this won't be so bad at all. If I can just keep them talking like this instead of subjecting me to 'feminine' pastimes… _

Leaning forward on one elbow, the leader of the Furious Five smirked almost cruelly. "So what about Master Shifu? Has he recovered yet from that heart attack Jian almost gave him?"

Mei Ling snorted, crossing her arms over her chest as she leaned back in her chair. "I'll say he has. Not only is he busting his hinny getting everything for the wedding absolutely perfect, he's still insisting on cutting nobody any slack. Up at the crack of dawn, demanding every training exercise be done yesterday and flawlessly—he's even been bossing me around! I just got back, and I'm not even his student, and he's still got me toeing the line." She shook her head.

Tigress didn't know whether to be angry at the way her father was treating her friends, or strangely grateful to see him acting what was, for him, quite normal. She settled for wry bemusement, with a touch of faint glee at hearing Mei Ling was being subjected to this treatment too. The mountain cat, she thought, was just a little too big for her britches, having mastered the thousand scrolls; this might perhaps help shrink her head a tad. And be a bit of payback for those feigned assignations with Tai Lung.

"And is he still complaining about his empty cash strings?" she quipped at last, sardonically.

"Like you wouldn't believe," Viper replied fervently. "Everywhere he goes, now, he's become the stingiest skinflint in the empire! Always looking for the lowest prices and the best deals at the marketplace—"

"Well, he _has_ always been rather frugal," Tigress tried to defend him, dubiously.

The serpent lidded her gaze. "Would you believe I caught him checking every single stall in town to find the cheapest price on eggrolls and leeks, and then when he found them he _still_ tried to haggle for a lower one?"

The leader of the Five growled under her breath. "Now that's taking things too far. Jian didn't gouge him that badly, and for some people in the Valley they're living at subsistence level as it is! Take even one too many _jiao_ from them, and…"

"That's nothing," Viper replied dismissively. "He doesn't even go out to eat anymore."

"Why?" Tigress narrowed her eyes. "Don't tell me he's gotten so bad he'd rather mooch off of Po to get free dinners."

"No," Mei Ling mumbled around the mouthful of shrimp she held between her chopsticks. She swallowed. "Though I bet he would if he thought he could get away with it. If Tai Lung didn't threaten to stuff him down the Field of Fiery Death if he even thought about taking advantage of the Dragon Warrior's generosity like that."

Even as the striped feline felt her face glow and tingle with pleasure (not at the threat of bodily harm to Shifu—all right, maybe a little—but at hearing her fiancé being such an ardent defender of his former enemy), the mountain cat continued. "It's because Viper here has forbidden him."

Puzzlement replaced righteous indignation. If Shifu was being so miserly, why would the serpent be preventing him from spending more? "Um…"

Her tattooed friend chuckled at the look on her face. "Let me explain why he's not allowed out till he learns how to behave himself. The one and only time he agreed to dine with me since Jian and her family came to the Valley was when we ate at Ping's last week. He got there ahead of me, of course—probably left two hours early, and I swear sometimes he never sleeps—so when I got to the table, there he was, presiding like a guardian dragon statue, tapping his foot and glowering like I'd been making him wait. I was right on time, I'll have you know." She sniffed. "Anyway, I get there, and there's this sack of tofu bamboo on the table. I had to ask him why it was there, and he pounced on it like he was just bursting to tell someone."

Sitting up stiff and straight on her stool, Viper adopted a pompous-looking, serious expression that was vintage Shifu. Even her voice, when she started imitating their master, was scarily accurate. "Thank you for asking, Viper. The price difference here between a bowl of vegetable stew with tofu and one without is three _yuan_. Now, if you divide twelve into five _yuan_, the cost of a sack of tofu in mild bamboo cubes, each cube costs four _jiao_ and 1.7 _fen_. Five cubes per serving are more than sufficient. Therefore, if you bring your own tofu, that's a savings of two_ yuan_, nine _fen_ per bowl. If you require tofu, you may pay me so accordingly. Go ahead and round it up."

There was a long pause. Then, in a strangled voice she barely recognized as her own, Tigress exclaimed, "What the hell?"

That seemed to about sum it up, since neither Mei Ling nor Viper was able to find any response, only dissolving once more into peals of laughter. Finally, after their mirth had died down, Tigress sighed, shook her head, and placed her chopsticks on the napkin as if they were made of fragile glass. "That's it. As soon as the wedding is over, and Tai Lung and I are…ready to be in public again, Shifu and I will be having a very long, very stern talk."

Chuckling under her breath, the mountain cat murmured, "I'd pay to see that…"

"What was that?" the striped feline asked, a bit too sweetly.

"Nothing," Mei Ling answered quickly. "Just wondering, speaking of Tai Lung, how you and his family have been getting along."

_Nice save_. Still, she had to admit the subject of her fiancé's family was one worth discussing, if for no other reason than the fact that with her own biological family dead, this would be the first real chance she had for love, affection, and acceptance. And already, it had been bearing fruit… Swallowing against a lump in her throat, she shrugged noncommittally as she returned to idly chasing dumplings and lumps of tofu around her plate.

"What can I say? We've been getting along very well. His sister Zhin is…very sweet, much like you, Viper…though like you, I get the impression there's a core of iron in there somewhere. I suspect her husband isn't the only one haggling out some very lucrative deals in Naij Tal."

The serpent smirked over her cup of jasmine and peach blossom tea. "Sounds to me like it must run in the family."

Tigress chuckled. "As for his brothers…they're much tougher men than any I've known here in the Valley. Just simple farmers, and they both have very good hearts, but there's a…strength to them. Like Tai Lung's, yet different somehow." She made a face at contradicting herself. "I guess what I'm saying is, they're brave, too, but not because of the number of battles they've fought in or how many scars they bear from defeating brigands and Huns.

"It's because they struggle with the land, every day, and by sheer force of will make it yield crops for them. Or that's how it seems, anyway. Enlai, the elder, is very philosophical too—I guess it comes from living so near Tibet. From what his wife tells me, when he isn't farming he often spends hours poring over Buddhist scriptures, and hours more debating them with her over a full pipe."

"And De?" Mei Ling's mouth curled into a suggestive smile, as if she already knew the answer. Which she did of course, how could anyone at the Palace, or in the Valley, not know?

"He's old enough to be my grandfather," she retorted—then closed her eyes and shaded her brow with one paw. "And…he's an incurable flirt. Since he's a widower and has been for almost fifteen years now, he seems to believe that puts him on the open market. And he's not above flaunting himself wherever and whenever he thinks he can get away with it."

Viper winked. "Don't pretend you weren't looking, or noticing, when he was working shirtless around the palace, helping Monkey with that new house you'll be living in. He may be over fifty, but gods can you tell he's Tai Lung's brother." Her gaze became distracted and distant, a dreamy sigh escaping her lips.

Tigress glared at her. "We really need to find you a man. As in, yesterday. Just because De wasn't wasting any time pursuing Mei Ling here, _and _me, and even Jia—"

The serpent grinned even more suggestively. "Oh, you mean like his nephews have been doing down in the village?"

She chose to ignore that. "You're just jealous they weren't noticing _you_." Viper pouted, grumbling, as Mei Ling laughed merrily in the background.

But then her disgruntled expression faded into one of compassion, tenderness, and gentleness. "And…Qiao Jian?"

The leader of the Furious Five hesitated, but then she smiled softly and gazed down at her folded paws on the table. "She is…quite something. Everything I could ever hope for in a mother. You wouldn't think it to look at her, but she is so strong…a very formidable woman. Determined, brave, won't take guff from anyone—especially not men who think they know better." Tigress chuckled and leaned back in her chair.

"But when she got me alone, she was so kind, so sweet…apparently once the shock of Tai Lung finding her had faded, she was determined to start matchmaking for him immediately. When she found out he already had a fiancée, she was pretty embarrassed and had to completely change her thinking. She's making up for lost time now, though. With both of us…"

Trailing off, she stayed silent for several minutes, remembering the look in Jian's eyes when Tigress had told her about the earthquake in Jiangxi, about Bao Gu and the sort of upbringing Shifu had given her. How the aged snow leopardess had taken her paws in a surprisingly strong grasp, gazed at her with tears in her luminous blue eyes, and then quietly told her all of that was a thing of the past.

That as far as she was concerned, Cai Yun was as much her daughter as Qiao Zhin, and that whenever she could, however often it could be accomplished, she would travel to the Valley of Peace or invite Tigress to Qinghai so they could spend precious time together. No more would she be without a mother's love. Never again would she have to feel unwanted, unnoticed, or rejected. She might not be a mistress of kung fu, Jian had noted, but that didn't stop her from admiring her daughter-in-law, or being extremely grateful to have her join the family. Her son, she said, had chosen well, and she was proud of him for it.

Looking up from her reverie, which unsurprisingly had left her rather misty-eyed, Tigress found her companions had given her her time and privacy to handle the emotional moment. And while a strong part of her bristled at being caught so vulnerable and longed to deny what they'd seen via the ready excuse of steam wafting up from her dinner, the rest of her simply accepted it for what it was. She had love, kindness, and family, and these were no bad things. They did not mean she had lost her edge and become soft…there was no reason she could not be a supernal, unmatched warrior, and still indulge in the tenderness of the heart which up until now had been so lacking in her life.

That it should be Tai Lung of all people who would open her up to this, and then indirectly enable her to experience it so much deeper, from such an unexpected source, was startling…but in the end, somehow fitting. He, too, had locked himself away from emotion and human affection for so long. It was only right they be re-introduced to it together—and would continue sharing in it in more vivid and wonderful ways in the days and years to come.

Coughing and sniffling, Tigress rubbed the back of her paw over her watery eyes, then smiled rather eagerly. Now that she had heard of everyone, and had in turn been queried and interrogated as she'd girded herself for, she could at last ask about the one person in the Valley besides Jian (and Viper) who was happiest and most excited for her and Tai Lung. "So…how is Po?"

Viper smiled winsomely, affection quite clear in both her eyes and voice. "How do you think he is? He's been working on your wedding feast since dawn this morning, from planning to preparation to cooking, and he hasn't even stopped to rest or anything. I had to actually remind him to go to the kwoon for his daily training regimen, and even then he wouldn't go until I made sure Ping was there to take over for him."

Tigress blinked, rather stunned and deeply touched. "What? He…he did all that, for me? I…I didn't think anything could make Po forget about kung fu…"

Mei Ling smirked over her carton of egg rolls as she leaned on one elbow, gesturing with a chop stick out the window, in the direction of the Jade Palace. "Normally I'd agree with you. But it sure seems to me like there's something else that can make the Dragon Warrior forget kung fu. Or should I say, some_one_."

She paused, wondering just what the mountain cat was referring to—and then, as she recalled a certain kiss on the palace steps before the three Li Dai graduates had departed the Valley, as well as a great deal of training, interaction, and conversing in the kwoon which had, in her opinion, become far too intimate, Tigress narrowed her eyes and growled softly. "You don't mean Jia, do you?"

Instantly the room went quiet and still, and a palpable blanket of cold disapproval seemed to settle over the table—her own toward this incipient pairing, and that of the others…especially Mei…toward her. After a few more moments of awkward silence, the mountain cat spoke, by the sound of it forcing her voice to be deliberately light but fooling no one. "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. She got pretty close to Po before we left the Valley, and now that we're back she decided to renew acquaintances. Are you telling me you didn't even notice?" One eyebrow rose archly.

"Not helping," Viper muttered, glaring at her, before turning a firm gaze to Tigress. "Before you go off half-cocked, Tigress, perhaps I need to remind you of a few things."

"Such as?" the striped feline replied coolly, rather proud that she was succeeding in maintaining her temper as well as she was.

"Well for starters, Jia isn't an assassin anymore, or a villainess," the serpent retorted.

"In fact she never was," Mei Ling chimed in. "Xiu manipulated her, remember?"

Tigress frowned darkly. She knew what the mountain cat had told her, what Jia herself had corroborated, and what Po himself had also insisted was the truth—which he believed out of a combination of several heartfelt talks with the former Wu Sister, his own experiences with Xiu's wicked depravity, and what he felt was genuine regret, admiration, and affection on Jia's part for Bao and Li-Na. She did not deny such a thing had the ring of truth, it was exactly what the eldest Wu Sister would do and it was why she had argued for clemency in her letter to the emperor.

But acquiring a pardon for the snow leopardess was one thing; granting her a complete out from all her past misdeeds was something else. As Mei Ling herself had once said, Jia still had a mind and will of her own, she could still make choices. Even if Xiu was extremely coercive and was using blackmail and scare tactics, Jia still allowed herself to do unspeakable things. It seemed wrong to pretend they never happened, or that because Xiu made her do them that this made them forgivable. _You can sweep the dirt out of sight and pretend it's gone, but it's still there under the rug. _

None of this, of course, justified Jia sinking her clutches into poor, innocent Po. She supposed she should be grateful the spotted feline wasn't still fighting tooth and claw for Tai Lung…but the very fact she had moved on so relatively quickly made her suspicious—of Jia's motives, her intentions, and the depth and realism of her feelings. Po deserved better than someone who was using him for mere entertainment in the bedroom, someone who was rebounding with him. Po simply deserved better than a felon and former killer, and the fact Mei Ling, who had once dallied with Tai Lung while stringing Crane along at the same time, was vouching for her was not the best testimonial in her half-sister's favor.

Thrusting aside the traitorous but highly persuasive thought that she herself was about to marry an ex-murderer and rampaging beast, and that if she could believe he had truly changed and turned his life around then surely it would be even easier for someone like Jia to do so, Tigress growled and slapped her paws down flat on the table. "Look. I'm sure she means well—" A lie. "—and that her heart is in the right place, but just because Jia isn't darkness incarnate doesn't mean she's trustworthy. Not when it comes to romance."

Cutting off the exasperated protest from Mei Ling's direction, she skewered the mountain cat with a pointed look. "Tell me truthfully, Mei: exactly what kind of lover has Jia been in the past? Is she really that loyal…or more likely to be fickle and move on to the next muscular fellow who strikes her fancy?" The mistress of the thousand scrolls looked stricken, but remained silent, obviously unable to answer—either because she didn't know, or because she could not gainsay Tigress. Turning then to Viper, she continued.

"And I know what you'll say, that Jia isn't like her sisters, that after all she's been through she deserves to have a normal life and a chance to be happy. You're right—but what guarantee do we have that this is the right path to it, for her or for Po? How do you know she'll be good for him, that she won't hurt him?"

She trembled with the force of her passionate emotions; once, she would have been shocked to hear herself say such things, let alone coming to the defense of a fat, foolish panda whom she'd believed had no respect or honor for the ways of kung fu. But that seemed like another lifetime now, she had learned so much, about the Dragon Warrior and about herself.

And she knew above all else that a good-hearted, true hero like the panda needed someone who would love him, treasure him, and honor him. However much Jia might have changed, whatever reluctance and anguish there had been within her at having to perform such vile deeds under her sisters' directions, she could not believe the snow leopardess could be such a woman for Po. Not without more proof.

Meanwhile, though, Viper seemed unwilling to back down—which would surprise no one who knew her and looked beyond her sweet façade. "You may be right, Tigress. But can you think of any better way for us to find out, or for her to become the kind of person you want for Po, than this? How do you expect Jia to prove herself if you won't give her a chance? It's Tai Lung all over again, you know…and he did much worse things than she ever did. I know you care for Po, we all do. But the time comes when you have to let him go, let him grow up, and take risks on his own. And if you give Jia a chance, then I bet she'll surprise, and please, you."

"Maybe," Tigress replied dubiously. Viper had a point, it would be very unfair of her not to give Jia the benefit of the doubt so she could prove her wrong. But that didn't stop her from wanting to watch the snow leopardess like a hawk the whole time she was in the Valley. Except thanks to this ridiculous cockloft tradition, she couldn't—and after the wedding, she'd be quite happily secluded in the nuptial chamber…

As if the mountain cat had read her mind, Mei suddenly reached over and placed a paw on hers. "Don't worry. If it means that much to you, I'll keep an eye on her while we're here, make sure there's no funny business, and see that she's doing right by Po."

The leader of the Furious Five gazed down pointedly at the beige paw until she removed it. "Uh-huh. Like there was no funny business between you and Tai Lung. I'm sure I can trust you with something this important."

Viper gasped while Mei Ling looked deeply hurt—but also resentful. Yet Tigress didn't let her gaze waver. "Is _that_ what this is all about? Gods, do you _ever_ let a grudge go? Besides, I already said I was sorry, didn't I?"

"Actually, you didn't. But that isn't the point." Tigress crossed her arms and waited.

After a long moment, the mountain cat sighed. "Well, I am. You know I didn't mean anything by it, I was just trying to help."

"Your idea of help almost cost you Crane," she pointed out quietly.

Mei Ling winced. "Touché. But you've got to admit, you never would have taken the next step, spent time with Tai, and gotten to know him, if I hadn't made you jealous enough. I'm not saying I didn't make a mistake, or that I don't need better methods…but the important thing is, look at what a wonderful life you two are about to have because of all this. Master Oogway may have loved to go on about how the journey is what matters, but the destination is pretty crucial, too." Tigress did have to admit she had her there.

Clasping her paws formally before her chest, the Li Dai graduate half-bowed in her chair, her expression and tone both contrite and apologetic. "I truly am sorry, Master Tigress—for hurting you, and also for making you view Jia in the same bad light as me. Please forgive me…and Jia. I promise nothing like it will ever happen again, and I'll make sure Jia doesn't make the same mistake. Po means a lot to me, too. But maybe, if you think about it, you can find it in your heart to realize she won't ever hurt him. Not after what happened with his parents, and her part in it."

The striped feline sighed, stared down at the whorls and patterns in the wooden table, and then nodded slowly as she looked up again. "Apology accepted. And…I'm sorry, too." Forgiveness might be no easier for her than it had been for Xiulan (or for that matter, Tai Lung), but she could tell that whatever else might be true, whatever the future held, Mei certainly wasn't after her groom-to-be.

Knowing that, however, meant she finally felt it was safe to ask the mountain cat about him, and with everyone else at the palace accounted for, she could also inquire without sounding desperate and pitifully besotted—she hoped. So after a few minutes, as Mei Ling unobtrusively wiped at her suddenly moist eyes and Viper began to stow away the dishes and utensils, Tigress sat up straight and looked from one woman to the other with mingled anticipation and amusement.

"So, when he isn't showing he's still my biggest fan by outdoing himself on the wedding feast, Po is keeping busy with Jia. But what about _my_ spotted sweetheart? How's he handling the separation?"

Viper and Mei Ling paused, exchanging a long look that was at once fond, devilishly naughty, and oddly knowing, as if there was a secret they were both in on which she wasn't even aware of—and she wouldn't put it past either one of them to have that be exactly the case. But before she could pry the truth out of either of them, there suddenly came a very strange sound from outside the room.

It took Tigress several moments to place it, since she hardly had much experience with larceny, espionage, or even the disobedience of youth—such was her determination to win Shifu's praise and respect that breaking curfew by even one minute had been unconscionable to her, let alone sneaking out a window at night to visit the village without permission. Nevertheless, her hearing was excellent and the sound's direction as well as its nature—wood scraping, glass rattling, and curtains swishing—let her eventually deduce what it was. Someone was climbing in through the hall window. And as soon as that someone was inside and had begun to slip down the passage, she recognized his heavy tread. It was soon accompanied by a very familiar voice, hoarse and raspy with its soft pitch in the quiet evening shadows.

"Tigress? Where _are_ you? Oh, come _on_…I know I'm not supposed to be here, love, but could you please give a man a clue? A hint? Anything? I've been going mad—again—without you…"

Instantly whirling about in shock, she skewered her companions with a disbelieving glare. "_What_? You told him where I was? After all that talk of doing things right, and following all the traditions…?"

Mei Ling looked innocent, shrugging easily. "What can we say? We like him a lot, and we care about you, too. We know how much this means to both of you, and Tai Lung is someone you just can't say no to—especially when he's like this…"

As the striped feline was still staring at them in dismay and growing resentment at their hypocrisy—but also couldn't help her heart beating faster at the thought of seeing her fiancé again—something even more odd happened that startled her completely out of her anger and excitement. In the hallway, the snow leopard's footsteps grew closer and closer, as well as his anxious voice…but then, inexplicably, they bypassed the room, receding farther down the corridor. Frowning, Tigress listened to Tai Lung apparently exploring the inn rather than coming right to her chamber—no, his stride remained as purposeful as ever, he simply seemed to have a completely different destination.

She turned back to the others, opened her mouth—only to have it covered by Viper's coils. "Now, now, Tigress. We can't have you spoiling the surprise."

"What do you mean?" she hissed in a whisper when the serpent finally allowed her to speak.

Mei Ling answered for her again. "Well, how shall I put this…we like Tai Lung, and we know how much this means to you…_but_, we're still honor-bound to make sure he doesn't violate tradition. And Master Shifu knew he'd try to sneak down here, no matter what we did to try to stop him. So…"

"_How_ did he know where I was?" the leader of the Five queried accusingly.

The serpent winked and smiled sidelong at her. "Well, we _did_ 'accidentally' let slip we were bringing you dinner when we 'happened' to bump into him at Ping's…and I think Mei might have mentioned the name of the inn you were staying in just a bit too loudly, why she must have thought that old goose was hard-of-hearing…"

"You _didn't_!" Tigress clenched her fists, then paused again. Something still wasn't adding up. "Then how come he's not barging in…?"

Her answer came when Tai Lung's hoarse voice again came from the hallway, this time accompanied by a soft, diffident tap on the door—not the door of her room, but of one much farther down the passage, nowhere near her chamber in fact. "Love? Sorry it took me so long…had to wait till your dinner was through, Viper and Mei said they'd be going back out to drop off the leftovers. And you wouldn't _believe _how stringent Shifu was about keeping us apart—I swear, he gave more details to all the inn staff of what I look and sound like, so as to keep me out, than were ever drawn up on the Imperial writs for my arrest…"

From the other chamber, the sound of rustling clothing could be heard, soft footsteps, a murmuring mumble that definitely sounded feminine. In seconds, Tigress realized what was about to happen…it was night, the moon was on that side of the inn, so as soon as whoever was staying in that room opened the door, the light would be flooding her from behind, leaving her a featureless silhouette. All Tai Lung would see was shapely female curves…

A lock clicked, the door opened, along with a yawn that sounded feline in nature. "Yes? I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you. Did you say—?"

The floor creaked under the snow leopard's weight, and Tigress could clearly hear as he let out an explosive breath and a soft, pleasurable moan. Paws rubbing over cloth…warm wet flesh sliding together…a rumbling purr…_he was kissing her!_

She shot another fierce look at Viper, demanding answers…and this time she gave her one, tossed off with a nonchalance and absentness so clearly feigned it was laughable. "Oh dear, I'm _so_ sorry. Did we give Tai Lung the wrong room number by mistake? It must have slipped our minds…"

Very slowly, even maliciously, Tigress began to grin.

Before she could say one word, there came another noise from the next room—the distinct sound of furred flesh meeting as someone was given a healthy slap, and then a woman's scream. "Cad! Rake!"

"Oh my—I am _so _terribly sorry, I thought you were—"

Something was thrown violently against the wall by the door, shattering into pieces that spilled across the hallway. "Why, you wicked, uncouth beast!"

Tai Lung sounded very panicked. "Now, I-I-I can explain…"

"Who do you think you _are_, barging in here as if you own the place and violating me so? How dare you—_I …am a…married…woman! _" Each of these last words was punctuated by more slaps, a few kicks, and what sounded like a solid punch as well.

The tirade went on for several minutes, with the snow leopard futilely trying to apologize but at best only able to get a few words in edgewise—when he wasn't simply crying "Ow!" after every blow, which now sounded as if they were being delivered by a tightly gripped shoe.

By the time Tai Lung had limped away from the other room and back to the hallway window, covering his head to judge by his muffled voice and surely nursing whatever shreds of his dignity he had remaining, all three women were fit to be tied and having to restrain themselves valiantly to stay quiet. Only when they heard the male's heavy form land with a thud on the cobbled street below and scramble away in the direction of the Jade Palace—with one last vituperation hurled after him along with that shoe—did they allow themselves to collapse in helpless waves of tearful laughter.

Finally, after she had recovered her breath, Tigress wiped her eyes and regarded Viper with awe at her audacity, and more than a little admiration. "Gods…I can _not_ believe…that was the most evil thing I have ever seen! Absolutely _terrible_!"

"Coming from a feline, I take that as the highest compliment," the serpent replied smugly.

"Though he _was_ kind of being sweet about it," Mei Ling pointed out wistfully.

"Oh, hush," Tigress said. "The way he was sneaking around, breaking traditions, and disobeying our master, he deserved it."

Viper smirked. "Oh, so when it's Tai Lung we're talking about, traditions apply, but not for you?" Tigress chose to ignore that.

"Well now that he's gone, and won't be coming back at least till he gets some ice put on that black eye of his—though if he knows what's good for him, he'll stay away till tomorrow," the mountain cat observed once their laughter had died again, "there's something I absolutely have to know."

Tigress eyed her askance, as that sounded like an invitation to far too much naughty implication for her liking. But then she caught herself—she was almost one hundred percent positive now that Mei cared only for Crane, no longer had designs on Tai Lung and never had. And if her first instincts were right after all…well, what better way to disarm the mountain cat and also show her the striped feline didn't even register her as a threat, or have anything to feel threatened about, than by indulging in this coy teasing?

Besides, it was _still_ a damned sight better than Viper's slumber party notions.

"What's that?" she asked at last.

Leaning forward on her elbows, Mei eyed her winsomely. "How is tomorrow night going to work? You going to jump his bones first, or let him do the 'traditional' thing and take you in a manly fashion?"

Viper choked on the last dumpling, while the leader of the Five turned beet red…but then, slowly, she began to smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The only reference I make here that is likely unfamiliar to you is the bit where Shifu was forcing Viper to pay for tofu in order to save money, which is a shout-out to a similar scene with Vork of _The Guild_ involving cheese slices. Also, for those paying close attention, that "insulting, raunchy canine cook" was a shout out to Lin from Marie Goos's ["Blue Plate Special"](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4770909/1/Blue_Plate_Special). And yes, I very much enjoyed the fakeout at the start, yanking your chain about just whom Shifu was confronting. I wouldn't be me if I didn't pull such things. ^_^


	2. That Dream Within a Dream

"Sooooo, you _really_ expect us to believe you got that shiner from running into the palace door, when Zeng flew out to deliver the invitations?" Mantis sneered skeptically. "Buddy, that's the oldest excuse in the book, and it sure doesn't hold any more water coming from _you _of all people. What really happened? Give, give…"

Tai Lung snarled and swiped at the insect—though only to grab what the healer was dangling in his pincers just out of reach, not to actually try and claw the kung fu master; of course not. "Fine, I will, just as soon as you hand over the sodding ice pack!" Hearing that, Mantis finally handed the item over, and the snow leopard practically lunged to snag the linen pouch and then press it to his bruised eye and cheek with a sigh of relief.

They were, of course, in the room he normally shared with Tigress, though at present there were only men about save for little Yi. Monkey, who had overseen the craftsmanship of the new bed—a surprisingly ornamented, graceful, and elegant design that showed a great deal of love and determination for perfection in every panel, stud, and raised lotus-and-vine motif—was with them, perched upon his stiffened tail as if meditating but otherwise constantly wearing the cheekiest of grins.

And atop the mattress, rolling and bouncing and leaping about with enough forceful glee to make any furniture less sturdily built collapse, the cow girl had been joined by several of her friends from the village, as well as Zhin's youngest sons, his nephews. There had to be at least three or four of them—they'd never stayed still long enough for him to get a proper head count—and each was as adorable, apple-cheeked, and fluffy as the last…as he himself had been, once upon a time.

If matters were otherwise, Tai Lung might have used their very familiar appearance to ponder the symbolic ramifications of this, of how this startling family resemblance suggested the purity, goodness, and gentle love he had once possessed were not after all lost forever, instead living on in the family he never knew he still had. Or he might even have reflected on the minor unsolved mystery of his own cub self visiting him the night before the Ghost Festival—an occurrence he had concluded months ago had been arranged by Oogway to help remind him of who he had been once and could be again, but the old turtle had of course refused to confirm anything—how this might have been a foreshadowing of him encountering his own flesh and blood.

But no, all the snow leopard could think, as he held the lumpy package of ice and medicinal herbs to his throbbing swelling to make it go down, was how his family only gave certain wits far too much fodder with which to tease him…and that if it weren't such a precious memory now of his past with Oogway, he would burn that old cubhood portrait as soon as he could lay paws on it again.

When he finally felt the pain receding and the pounding heat in his eye socket subsiding, Tai Lung turned away from the roly-poly young ones blessing the bridal bed with their innocence and youth—or so the tradition went—and lowered his voice as he manfully admitted what had happened down at the inn. Viper and Mei Ling were both dear friends to him now…but he knew just how they had so cleverly played him. _And somehow, some way, they **will** be paying for this one. I **will** have my revenge! _

This resolution became even stronger in his heart when, naturally enough, both Mantis and Monkey burst out laughing at his sheepishly grumbled story. "Jade Emperor in Heaven!" the simian groaned, slapping a long-fingered hand to his forehead. "You mean, they sent you to the wrong—and you thought she—and you actually—" His voice dissolved into more snickers and guffaws.

Meanwhile, the insect was smirking very cockily. "Gods, and you got laid low by a—"

Tai Lung squeezed the ice pack until he could both feel and hear the chunks within cracking and crushing within his iron grip. "You _don't_ want to finish that sentence," he said ominously. "And just what exactly are you implying? That I'm a pushover, eh? That there's no possible way a woman could…"

Mantis chuckled. "Uh, maybe you forgot who you're talking to. I don't have to look any farther than my own species to know women can be, ah, formidable. Not to mention Tigress, Viper, Mei Ling…" He pressed his pincers together and raised his gaze innocently to the ceiling. "I was just saying, that's the second woman to sucker punch you in the last week…"

The master of the Jade Palace paused—and then cursed under his breath. _Bugger, he's right! _

It had happened one morning when the other denizens of the palace had been occupied with setting up the wedding pavilion, spending time with Yi, and in Po's case, purchasing the food for the feast well in advance. With even Tigress down in the village, claiming she had a pressing need to pray at the temple (when he actually had it on good authority from Viper that she was, of all things, going to visit Xiulan and check on her wedding dress), Tai Lung had had the training hall all to himself…until his sister Zhin stopped in to watch.

When the Qiao clan had come to the Valley of Peace for the wedding, as well as to meet Shifu, the Dragon Warrior, and all the kung fu masters who had begun, strangely enough, to feel like family to him, Tai Lung had not known what to expect. His mother, of course, he'd already shared intimate talks and memories with, had gotten to know as a woman who was both kind and determined, gentle and harsh all at once.

And while they did not have quite the temper he did, nor had they become so aggressive through kung fu training, his brothers were in general cut from the same cloth—dry and sardonic in their humor, stubborn and proud, but also deeply loyal, brave, and enduring. Not to mention they were wonderfully gregarious fellows to wind down with at the end of a long hard day of work.

His sister, however…when he first laid eyes on Zhin, he couldn't believe they were related, she was so petite, plump, yet still somehow graceful, especially for a woman only a few years younger than De; apparently she took very good care of herself. Her face had none of the elfin-ness of the Wu Sisters, instead being fairly broad and rounded, and her warm green eyes twinkled all the more whenever she smiled, which was often.

Soft-spoken, genial, as interested in frilly garments and decorative makeup as Viper but with a firm, no-nonsense tone she'd inherited from Jian…and which at times reminded him uncomfortably of Tigress…the snow leopardess had seemed a contradiction and a quandary. He had no idea how to react to her or treat her, other than with the deference and respect due an honored sibling.

So when she had shown up at the kwoon, he'd been a bit flustered and nervous, but in the end he had decided to act as if nothing whatsoever had changed. Even as Zhin stood not far from the Adversary, and he could feel her eyes on the back of his head, Tai Lung had coolly continued his routine—which at that point consisted of sparring with the Wooden Crocodiles, sending one device after the next twirling and spinning about in blurs of motion, dodging and weaving and twisting about to avoid each and every spiked arm as it breezed past him, so that not even a single hair was shifted out of position.

Having memorized the pattern in which they bounced and ricocheted off each other, and how hard he had to strike a particular Warrior to open a path for him without smashing the equipment to smithereens—at least until Shifu had them replaced with brand-new ones he'd have to learn all over again—the snow leopard had reached the far side, sweaty with his exertions but not at all from stress or weariness.

And then, as he had wiped himself down with a towel and started to turn back, Zhin had approached from the side walkway, applauding…and after praising his talent and skill to the skies had shyly asked if he might be able to teach her a move or two…

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Tai Lung fought off a throbbing at his temples that was not due to the punch he'd received at the inn. _What an idiot I was_.

It had all seemed so simple, so clear. His sweet, shy, seemingly harmless sister, hero-worshiping him as Po had (albeit far less ridiculously), begging him to teach her how to fight like him, "just a little." He still didn't know if she'd been playing him for a fool the whole time with a disingenuous innocence, or if he had simply discounted the family strength to his detriment. All he knew was, after puffing out his chest in pride, buffing his paw on his creamy white pectorals, and smiling warmly, he had graciously acquiesced—guiding her in the proper way to stand, to position her arm and wrist, and to arrange her fingers so she could strike without breaking any, before offering her the brick wall of his fur-covered abdominals to punch.

She had hemmed and hawed, very uncertain this was a good idea, while he kept insisting it was fine, she was a beginner, he had extremely tough muscles, and he had been trained to accept any and all physical punishment during his training—much more grueling than anything she could dish out. He thought he'd said this last kindly, reassuringly, not with his usual cocky bravado. He was sure he had.

It had happened so fast that neither of them could believe it. A streak of spotted gray as Zhin's fist lashed out, a loud thwack echoing off the timbered roof beams as she struck him squarely in the solar plexus, and then the snow leopard had paused…stared up at his sister as she stood with her fist held out, frozen in the same position as when she'd punched him, looking just as shocked as he felt…and then let out an animalistic, ragged cry that was half-snarl, half-whine of agony as he doubled over, almost collapsing on the floor of the kwoon…

Looking up from his reverie, Tai Lung discovered that unsurprisingly Mantis and Monkey were both still staring at him with incredibly satisfied, amused expressions. Flattening his ears to his skull, he hissed and glared right back. "Oh no you don't—don't you even _think_—"

"Yup, yup," the insect said, stretching his pincers up and back behind his head. "Looks like those years are catching up with ya, buddy. Losing your edge."

Keeping his voice down to a harsh whisper that wouldn't disturb the cavorting children, he snapped, "For your information, I am _just_ as capable of wiping the floor with your bloody arses as I ever—"

"Really?" Mantis teased. "Then I guess your sister must be even stronger than you. Or are you just getting weak?"

"_I AM NOT WEAK! _"

"Hey, look at it this way," Monkey interjected amiably, holding out both long-fingered hands. "At least your sister, she can punch like a mean drunk! You don't ever gotta worry 'bout her being defenseless or anything. You gotta be happy about that!"

"Riveted," Tai Lung snarled, even as his head still ached beneath the ice pack. "Utterly ecstatic."

"And as for the lady at the inn," the insect noted sagely, "you kinda had that one coming, considering the way you barged in like that and—"

The snow leopard gritted his teeth and pressed the cold lumps harder to his bruised face. "D'you know what she yelled at me as I was running down the street? That if she were my mother, she'd make me cut my own switch!" He shook his head in denial, as well as annoyance at himself; he still couldn't believe the tongue on that Tonkinese cat!

Monkey grinned slyly. "That's funny, from what I heard, Tigress had you doing the same thing the other—" He was cut off by Tai Lung scooping him up and covering his mouth with a large spotted paw, while the snow leopard growled and flicked his eyes warningly toward the bed, where the children had stopped playing to stare at them in puzzlement. Forcing a cheery smile, Tai Lung waved his free paw, and only when Yi and the other children had gone back to bouncing and rolling did he feel safe enough to uncover the simian's mouth and set him down.

Taking a deep breath, then blowing it out his cheeks, the snow leopard muttered. "That was a bit too close…all right, new topic."

"Well, speaking of your family," Mantis said with forced casualness as he rubbed his chin, "I _really _like your brother De. And those nephews of yours, too—Meng and Bo? They sure are something…"

Tai Lung groaned and hid his face behind the ice pack.

It wasn't that he didn't care for his nephews—far from it, they were both fine, upstanding youths whom he was quite determined to ensure had good futures ahead of them; one planned to carry on the family business, while the other hoped to travel to the Imperial City and become a royal scholar. But the two were, of course, spitting images of himself at that age, though tending more towards the slender rather than the beefy side…and both were as insatiably smitten with the opposite sex as De. Which was ironic, since they were Enlai's youngest sons (the eldest already having jobs, spouses, and livelihoods of their own elsewhere in China), and their uncle had had only girls before his wife passed on.

So to know, and even witness, that two virile young snow leopards had been set loose on the town, and that everyone in the Valley of Peace was aware of both their heritage and their lechery, made Tai Lung want to crawl under a rock and not come out again for decades—and considering his time in Chorh-Gom, that was saying something. It certainly gave Monkey and Mantis far too much to tease their new master about, what with his virginity having been lost only recently…

"At least now we know what would have happened if you'd gone to the village when you were sixteen," Mantis mused.

"You are _far_ too fascinated with my love life. You know that, right?"

"What? Not like there's anything else to do around here in the winter. And when you've been around the empire as long as I have, nothing fazes you anymore. Heck, it _all_ starts looking appealing after a while…"

"Stop. In the name of all that is holy and decent, just…_stop_."

Monkey clasped his paws behind his head and gazed at the ceiling. "So, how many do ya think they've gone through in the last week? Five, six? Each?"

Quickly Tai Lung hushed him. "Keep your voice down! And they'd better _not_ be that out-of-control, or so help me…"

"Aww, that's so cute! Lookit you, being the overprotective uncle and everything!" When the snow leopard glared daggers at Mantis, the insect cleared his throat and rushed on. "Oh, don't worry, Spottybutt, they're being real careful and all. I mean come on, do you _really_ think they wouldn't be, with a dad like theirs?"

He had a point; among his many other admirable traits, Enlai was quite conscientious, proper, and responsible. While he understood that boys would be boys and needed their chance to have the freedom to experiment and indulge themselves, the eldest Qiao would never allow this at the expense of girls being despoiled, their families' honor left in shambles, cubs left without someone to feed and raise them, or the possibility of other things being spread about along with their lineage. Still…

"I _told_ you to stop calling me that," Tai Lung growled irritably. "And that's not really the point, you know. Even _if_ they're being careful, they're still making me look bad—they practically wear my face as it is!—not to mention the family reputation…"

Monkey smirked. "You really think, after everything else that can be laid at your door, anyone's gonna care how much you and your family get 'round? Besides, just think of it as practice."

"Practice?" the snow leopard asked warily, rather suspecting he wouldn't like where this was going.

And he was right. "Well, yeah. I mean think about it…what d'you think's gonna happen, when you an' Tigress have kids? Gotta be prepared for your own son an' all." The langur grinned at him smugly.

For several agonized moments Tai Lung stared at Monkey. Then he groaned aloud and buried his face in his palm. _Oh gods. Not that, anything but that. Shang Ti give me strength. **Why** did I want children again?_

While he was thus occupied, he suddenly felt something small tugging rather insistently at his pant leg. Removing his paw from his face, but keeping the other holding the ice pack in place, he looked down…and groaned. There stood little Yi, as inquisitive and intrusive as ever, and beside her was one of Zhin's youngest sons—Li, he thought his name was. Both of them looked quite solemn and concerned. "Kitty? Were you talking about Meng and Bo? Li thought you were…he got real worried. Why do they gotta be careful? What were they going through? Why so many?"

Aghast, Tai Lung stood flabbergasted for several eternal-seeming moments, utterly tongue-tied as to what to say; he'd warned the others to be quiet, and now these impressionable little minds were wanting answers he couldn't give… Finally, as his rapidly darting eyes landed on a silkscreen on the wall, he burst out in a fit of desperation.

"Ah…calligraphy! They were doing calligraphy, _xiǎo jiāhuo_…" Rubbing the back of his neck and hoping he didn't sound or look as unconvincing as he felt, he started inventing wildly. "Yes, Bo wants to be a scholar, you know, and with the Emperor coming for the wedding, he wanted to practice 'til he was the best, so he could get a job there! But he's been going through far too much paper and ink, which is really, really expensive. None of us want Li's uncle to run out of money…so they need to be very careful. That's all it was, all right?" Praying that Li didn't know his cousins had no interest in calligraphy whatsoever, he waited.

Luckily, it seemed he didn't. For after a moment both little faces cleared of confusion, with Li looking relieved and Yi beaming happily. "Oh. Okay, kitty!" And taking the little snow leopard's paw, she skipped merrily back to the bed, there to resume scrambling about for the red dates, lotus seeds, oranges, peanuts, and pomegranates scattered about on the sheets.

After she was out of earshot, Tai Lung leaned against the door jamb and wiped his suddenly clammy brow—only to have Mantis hop up on his shoulder with a very knowing look. "_Calligraphy_?" he asked incredulously. "Now _that's_ one I've never heard before."

"Oh, sod off! I didn't hear _you_ coming up with any clever suggestions to put her off the scent."

"No, that was pretty good thinking on your part," the insect agreed. But he still couldn't seem to keep the raunchy grin off his face. "Still…_calligraphy_?"

"Shut up."

Mantis winked. "Ah, I get it. 'It's not the size of the brush, it's how you use it?'"

Tai Lung groaned.

"Or…you want to make sure you've got a really stiff…handle?"

"I _hate_ you."

Chuckling, Monkey came up on his other side. "But you gotta be careful. Wouldn't want you runnin' out of…ink, now would we?"

_What did I ever do to deserve this? _

Yet even that wasn't the end of the torture, as Mantis had hopped onto Monkey's paw to be out of retaliatory reach, when the primate in turn had danced away from Tai Lung's lunge. And from the relative safety of this perch, he continued haranguing. "Now, what inquiring minds really wanna know is…just how much 'calligraphy' are you and Tigress gonna do tomorrow night? I mean, you already left so many…ah, lovely images for everyone all over the palace. What's left for you to do?"

Tai Lung paused…and then he smiled slowly as the perfect revenge came to mind. "Oh, you'd be surprised," he purred suggestively, casually crossing his arms while meticulously examining his claws. "There's _plenty_ more we can do…"

Suddenly Mantis wasn't laughing any more, as he seemed to have sensed the trap he'd walked right into. "Oh? Such as…?"

He glanced again toward the bed of giggling children, then pursed his lips. "Well, how can I put this…I may not be the most experienced, ah, writer, but as you know I'm a fast learner. And Tigress has praised the quality and frequency of my work, I assure you. I could do calligraphy all day, every day, if I had my way. I would use _every_ color ink in my calligraphy set."

"We get it, you like calligraphy," Monkey interjected, rolling his eyes. "But, uh, there's only so many ways to draw a picture before it all starts to look the same, you know?"

"Which just shows how little you actually know," Tai Lung drawled, starting to warm up to the subject. "Calligraphy can be…swift and vigorous, or gentle and passionate. You can take your time to…form the characters, and you can…draw them repeatedly to practice and get it _just_ right. You don't want to rush it, or you could end up…spilling the ink. Not to mention you've got to be very careful not to tear the…paper.

"And every…picture you draw can be different and better than the one before, all thanks to the angle you hold your…brush. I can tell you, Tigress and I will be up late into the night doing our 'calligraphy', and all the slow and steady strokes I've learned will make for much smoother…writing."

By the time he had finished his recitation, lingering lovingly on more syllables and phrases than was likely good for him, and had crossed his arms in supreme satisfaction, both of the other masters were groaning with faces buried in paw or pincer—not only at the awful nature of this very long series of double entendres, but at having been outwitted and outdone at their own game.

"That's it, rub it in," Mantis grumbled, hunkering down as if longing to scuttle into some dark hole. _That's what she said_, the snow leopard thought snidely, even as he privately wondered if perhaps the insect were not quite as experienced as he implied.

But aloud, all he said was, "Well, you _did_ ask." To which Monkey only shook his head, gave his friend a mournful look, and scooped him up to cradle him consolingly on his shoulder.

However, before Tai Lung could further brag about his brilliant one-up-manship or lavish still more naughty details in the guise of something seemingly innocuous, someone else suddenly appeared in the doorway, startling them all. With the flapping of wings and a rustle of feathers, Crane stepped into the room, looking a bit haggard and harried, yet also relieved.

Wiping his brow with one wing, he began unfastening and removing his _dou li_ even as he was talking wearily to them. "Ah, here you all are. Sorry I'm so late, guys. Master Shifu just wouldn't let me go until he got an absolutely thorough, incredibly detailed report on what me, Mei, and Jia were up to on our travels." Shaking his head at their master's anal stubbornness, the waterfowl sighed, removed his dust- and mud-splattered cloak to be hung on a peg, and stretched until his wingbones popped. "Ahh…well, I know the wedding is tomorrow and all, but I am exhausted. So if you don't mind, I'll just do a little calligraphy and then go to bed."

For a split second the other three masters all stared at each other. Then as one they burst out laughing.

"What? What's so funny about that?" Crane asked, rather suspiciously.

None of them could answer him, as they were laughing so hard they could barely breathe.

Getting rather huffy, the avian kung fu master drew himself up to his full height and crossed his wings severely. "I'll have you know calligraphy is _very _relaxing! I do it every night before I go to bed—sometimes when I get up in the morning, too."

Monkey howled, slapping a paw to his forehead and leaning against the wall to hold himself upright.

Crane glared at him. "Look, I know you guys think it's some silly, girly pastime, but calligraphy has a long and glorious tradition dating back to the start of the empire."

Mantis collapsed on the floor, kicking his legs in the air.

The waterfowl threw his hat at him. "You're making utter idiots of yourselves, you know that? And I bet I know what this is. This is jealousy, pure and simple. I don't blame you either." He smirked and lifted his bill smugly. "I've learned everything I know about calligraphy from Mei Ling."

Now it was finally Tai Lung's turn to topple over, clutching at his belly and laughing like a madman.

In the midst of all this frivolity, while Crane was staring at them in rising fury (and the sneaking sensation there had been a particularly awful joke made at his expense), little Yi came toddling over from the bed, where the other children had paused in the middle of their pillow fight to stare at the giggling, chortling masters. "What are they laughing at, Master Crane?" the bovine girl asked, sounding very puzzled and completely innocent.

"I don't know, little one," the Li Dai master said, shaking his head in disbelief. "I really have no idea…"

* * *

Dawn came with birdsong, the tolling of the morning bell upon the mountainside, and thick, pervasive mist swirling and churning all throughout the Valley, leaving the forest cloaked and mysterious, the river and lake an expanse of shimmering silver-blue, and the Jade Mountain a solitary peak thrusting up out of the foggy sea. It also brought Tigress to a portion of the elaborate wedding ceremony she liked even less than being sequestered in the cockloft—all the primping, styling, dressing, and other feminine pursuits involved in making her a beautiful flower for her waiting groom.

She did have to admit, the bath which Viper drew for her in the inn bathhouse (in very _warm_ water, thankfully) was rather invigorating, soothing, and something of a wicked indulgence. The pumelo water the serpent prepared for her to cleanse her of evil influences was also quite fragrant and very good for her fur, leaving it shinier, softer, and brighter than it had been in a long time. And after being dried, fussed over, and wrapped in warm towels, the dragon and phoenix candles she was set before not only added a sweet scent of incense to the air, they filled her with surprising serenity, balance, and peace.

But everything which followed that was practically a nightmare for her. If it wasn't the obsessive attention to trimming her claws, brushing and weaving and arranging her fur, or applying all manner of makeup, rouge, and other beauty aids to her features, it was just who was waiting on her besides Viper.

There was Tai Lung's sister, Qiao Fei Zhin. On the one paw, she had heard from Mantis the story of the snow leopardess laying her long-lost brother low in the kwoon, and the merchant's wife had confirmed it for her with an interesting mix of shy blushing and a small, amused smile. That was enough to make her good in Tigress's book—since even after falling in love with Tai Lung, and seeing him change for the better, she couldn't help thinking that the snow leopard needed constant reminders to keep him humble.

But aside from this one awesome moment, the striped feline had to find her future sister-in-law rather annoying…because she had all of Viper's sweetness, gentleness, and love of femininity without any of the redeeming naughtiness, deceptive cleverness, or badassery. So to sit there calmly and quietly on a stool like a good prospective bride, having her fur combed, perfumes and powders applied to her neck and cheeks, flowers placed above her ears, and red ribbons wound about her wrists and forearms, all while listening to Zhin natter on about clothes, poetry, shoes, painting, dancing, and more clothes…well, it was rather like torture.

Almost as bad was being waited on by Enlai's wife, Yan. True, being a farmwife made her much more tomboyish, strong-willed, and independent, and her age made her far more motherly, understanding, and practical. But by the same token, the combination of her harsh life and her advancing years rendered the snow leopardess…less than wholesome. Apart from her tendency to curse and utter fairly vile imprecations at the drop of a hat (something which, surprisingly, Zhin didn't even bat an eye at), Yan seemed to have taken it upon herself to educate her new sister-in-law…in _everything_ which a bride needed to know.

Tigress allowed that learning how to sew, cook, and clean might be useful skills. She had every intention of passing off the sewing to Viper whenever she got the chance, and Tai Lung _would_ become at least passing familiar with the kitchen if not knowing his way around it as well as the training hall—he certainly should be capable of a little light housework, after all the years of slaving away at sweeping, cleaning, and polishing under Shifu's critical eye! But somehow she suspected getting the snow leopard to agree to chef training under Po would be much more difficult than him teaching the "big fat panda" kung fu. And there might be times when he would be away on missions that she would have to look after the house herself.

What had her alternately blushing and gritting her teeth in offense was the very…explicit advice Yan had with regards to the bedroom. The farmwife seemed quite capable of describing male anatomy and how to pleasure it in excruciating detail, and giving directives on how to please her husband in general, all in the same breath. The latter had Tigress ready to explode—how could any woman, especially one as open-minded and proud as this one, put up with that sort of life, let alone advise adhering to it?—while the former simply made her sink down on her stool and bite her lip.

_Do men really enjoy **that**? Does Tai Lung actually expect me to—well, now that doesn't sound so bad. But does she have to be so blatant about it?_

Even that, however, might have been bearable, at least by itself. But the final straw was just who her "good-luck woman" was…

Somehow managing to keep a straight face—perfectly genteel, placid, and solemn—Mei Ling clasped her paws almost piously before her chest (when she wasn't helping clothe Tigress) as she recited auspicious sayings and advice. But the mischievous twinkle in her brown eyes never faded, matching some of the lines she dropped which were most certainly _not_ part of the script. "Fulfill your duties calmly and respectfully…well, you're dutiful all right, but that last part? Never gonna happen… Reflect before you snack—act! Oh wait, sorry, that's advice for _Po_… This shall bring you honor and glory." A pause, and then she smiled sincerely. "Wait…you've already got that, too, in spades."

"Good girl," Tigress purred with an edge in her voice, drumming her fingers on her red silk sleeves. The mountain cat only smiled in sunny fashion.

"…so there we were, in the Imperial City, in the busiest marketplace in all of China, where if you can't find it—and at the perfect price—it doesn't exist. And who should stroll down the street?" Zhin paused dramatically, her outflung paw almost jabbing Tigress with a needle. "The Emperor himself, _and_ his entourage! Oh…my…word. I love my husband, but the Son of Heaven is to _die_ for. And don't tell me you don't know what I'm talking about, dear, I've seen the way you look at him!" The leader of the Five sank lower still on her fitting stool even as she growled pointedly.

"Anyway, we knew _he _didn't set any store on ceremony, but his advisors did. And we didn't have any parasols with us to bow beneath. So I grabbed the nearest thing I could think of—a wicker basket, wrapped it in a length of silk from another stall, and stuck that on my head as a hat. I thought my husband and the courtiers were going to keel over right then and there…but Chen took one look at me, laughed, and declared he loved it. Then he asked me to design ones just like it for all the ladies at court." She snickered. "They all looked ridiculous, served them right, too…"

Yan grinned openly, even as she droned on in her own stream of advice. "Now, men want sons of course, t' carry on the family name but also 'cause they have some notion in their noggins, bless their souls, that the more they have, the more manly they are." She snorted.

The striped feline protested, even if she knew it was in vain. "Tai Lung isn't like that…he won't care whether we have boys or girls, he'll love them just as much."

One eyebrow shot up skeptically, to match the farmwife's quirked mouth. "Oh, honey, he may _say _that, he may even believe it. But when it gets right down to it, all men want the same thing—t' see that damned tackle swingin' between their son's legs. Don't know why, if you ask me that's a stupid place t' put something so tender 'n' vital. What were the gods thinkin'? Just one healthy crack, and…" Yan scooped up a pawful of peanuts from a nearby bowl and squeezed them hard, cracking all the shells in a visual aid.

Then she chuckled. "Then again, maybe that's why…had t' give us womenfolk _some _way t' even the odds, huh? Anyway, you can't really control how many boys you have, or when, but you sure can up your chances by doin' it whenever ya have the opportunity." The snow leopardess eyed Tigress until she blushed, then winked. "From what I've heard, that ain't gonna be a problem for you. But just in case, there's an herb I've relied upon for years, one that'll guarantee you're always ready for him. Why, I reckon your Master Mantis knows just the one I mean…"

Tigress went so pale she thought she might pass out from the sudden rush of blood.

Blithely ignoring Yan as she lingered almost lovingly on the details of what the aphrodisiac would do to its victim, Mei Ling tapped one finger against her lip. "Well, I don't have to worry about wishing you lived in interesting times—you already have! And after Chao, I don't see how you could suffer anything worse. But, just in case…" She cleared her throat. "'May you respect each other like honored guests. May you always see heart to heart. May fragrant flowers bloom and full moon shine over your life together. May your joy and happiness be forevermore.'"

Another pause, and then she added wryly, "For everyone's sakes, or we'll never hear the end of it, and they might just have to start calling this place the Valley of Catfights."

Zhin's musical laughter tinkled merrily in the room as she almost doubled over, but somehow she resumed her breathless recitation as soon as her giggles had passed. "And what a valley this is! Why, I've never seen so many stores, and so many different kinds, outside the capital…tailors and seamstresses, jewelers and florists, seafood and tofu stalls, pottery and bookstalls, shoemakers and herbalists…no wonder this place is so prosperous!"

Mei Ling smirked at her and crossed her arms, idly flapping her scroll at Tigress to cool her off—between the growing heat of the day, the hard work in perfecting her beauty, and her nervousness, the striped feline was beginning to sweat. "Was, maybe, you practically bought out everyone's stock! I hope your husband's as strong as the men in your family, Zhin. He'll need all the muscles he can get to carry everything you've bought here."

The snow leopardess pouted. "Can you blame me when I hardly ever get a chance to go shopping? I'm a _merchant's_ wife, he usually does all the buying for me. All right, it's sweet and even a bit romantic when he comes home from a long caravan journey and brings me gifts he got along the way…but he's so hopeless at knowing what I, or any girl, really wants."

Viper, who up until now had simply been watching the proceedings from the side while elegantly sipping jasmine tea, smiled at Zhin. "Ah, so that's why you had so much money saved up. And here I thought it was just because you knew you were coming to the valley."

"Well, that too," Tai Lung's sister demurred.

The serpent slithered over and curled her tail tip in a familiar, intimate gesture around Zhin's paw. "Either way, I'm glad you did! It was a lot of fun getting to go with you. Tigress is such a wet blanket when we go shopping—" She made a face, then winked good-naturedly at the leader of the Five, who couldn't help but glower back. "—and there's really no one else here to go with. Po means well, and he's great for carrying things without complaint and giving his opinion without it somehow impugning his manhood, unlike some…" Tigress knew exactly who she meant—neither Shifu nor Monkey was well-versed in feminine pursuits and actively resisted any attempts to educate them, while even Crane seemed far too insecure to admit to any knowledge that might incriminate him. "…but there's nothing like a like-minded woman!"

"Happy to be of service," Zhin replied brightly. "With Gang—er, I'm sorry, Tai Lung—living here in the Valley, I've got plenty of excuses to come visit. We should go out together more often, Master Viper." She patted the serpent's coiled tail, and both of them beamed excitedly at each other. Tigress somehow felt unnerved and a bit ill. _One of them was bad enough…now they're going to be teaming up against the Valley? Ti'en help us…_

From the look on Yan's face, she didn't seem any more sanguine with this possibility—but then again, she had her own farm and most likely only saw Zhin a few times a year, what did _she_ have to worry about? And her own resumed monologue wasn't any better for Tigress's constitution. "Now don't forget, though, that just because you have t' please your man doesn't mean you don't get plenty of attention, too. It's not necessary t' give him what he wants, or t' bear his cubs, but it sure does make it a whole lot more enjoyable for you, eh? And if he loves you, he shouldn't have any problem makin' you feel like the queen you are."

Tigress smirked. "He already does that—and knows it, too, if he knows what's good for him."

Planting her fists on her broad hips, the snow leopardess snorted. "No man _ever_ does it right, not without bein' taught how first. And from what I've heard, he's got even less experience than my Enlai. He's gotta learn, and the only way he can is from you. You know your own body the best, dear, so don't be afraid t' teach him exactly where and how t' touch you t' make your fur stand straight on end."

Blushing deeply at this, the leader of the Five tried to deny it. "Yes, but that's just it. If I'm so knowledgeable, what do I need you—?"

Yan eyed her knowingly, then began rattling off a list of places, secret and private places, in the female body and precisely how to give them the most pleasure. Several times Tigress gasped, at other moments she grinned smugly at hearing things she did, indeed, already know. At the last, she was forced to cut the woman off at hearing something she simply couldn't believe. "Wait—what? That _can't_ be, there's no possible way that could feel—?"

"There is if you stroke it right," the older feline drawled. Tigress bit her lip and fought the urge to bury her flushed face in her long silk sleeves.

Finally, after what seemed all day but was in truth only a few hours, the styling and dressing was at last completed. Because she was Tigress's most senior sister-in-law (and because she was simply quite sturdy and strong despite her age), Yan was the one to promptly, and without ceremony or hesitation, scoop the striped feline up and carry her on her back, down the stairs to the inn's parlor. There she donned a jacket and skirt, all in shades of crimson and scarlet trimmed with gold, then slipped her paws into the pair of red shoes which waited for her inside of a sieve. Lastly the red silk veil was hung, diaphanous and exotic, from the Phoenix crown atop her head.

"Oh, you look _gorgeous_!" Zhin sighed romantically, clasping her paws over her heart.

"You're a knockout," Mei Ling agreed without a hint of jealousy.

"Tai Lung won't know what hit him, all right," Viper added with a sly touch of mockery. Knowing what both she and the mountain cat were referring to, Tigress wasn't at all surprised when the two started laughing, although she could only blush in genuine pleasure at the praise. Just because she was a warrior and normally didn't care much for her appearance, particularly in its femininity, didn't mean she never indulged in such things or wished to be admired for her beauty.

When the hilarity had died down, the Li Dai master gave her a quick embrace, straightened her sash and ribboned sleeves, then said, "Go get him, Tigress. Wishing you one hundred years of good companionship—or else you might end up killing each other, or us! Oh, and Yan's right: give birth to a son soon!"

"Why, so a doting aunt can spoil him rotten?" she asked archly. Mei Ling could only laugh, but Tigress noted she didn't deny the charge or even answer the admittedly rhetorical question.

As the mountain cat knelt down so she in turn could hoist the striped feline up to carry her out to the sedan chair for the wedding procession, Yan squeezed the bride's shoulder and offered her one last bit of advice. "Tonight, make sure you find each and every one of his weak spots. And if he's anything like my Enlai, nibbling on his ears'll turn him into a shivering, curled up ball of mewls, purrs and whimpers. And then there's the very tip of his tail...that'll make him melt in your paws."

At Tigress's startled look, the snow leopardess smirked smugly. "What? You didn't _really_ think I believed all that obedient, dutiful tripe I was layin' on you, did you? That's what every man wants his wife t' be, so he can be large and in charge, and that's how a good marriage looks t' everyone else, on the surface…but when you get right down to it, in private it's a whole other ball of wax. That's where the real power lies, and where you'll prove t' him you two are equals. And if he don't like it…that's when you wrap him 'round your finger and have your way with him." Yan winked openly.

For several moments Tigress could only flush deeply at the farmwife's rather naughty suggestions, as well as their origin—the sex lives of older people, however active and healthy they might be, was not something she ever wished to hear about. But then, as the true significance of her comments sank in, the leader of the Five once more began to slowly smile. _I love Tai Lung…but this may just be more fun than I could have imagined_.

* * *

"Damn it!" Tai Lung growled nastily as he struggled to free himself from the tangle of sleeves and collar belonging to the scarlet silk gown he had to wear for the wedding. "What is this, a groom's robe or a prison uniform?"

From where he was sitting at the snow leopard's old desk, calmly sipping peach blossom tea, Emperor Chen raised an eyebrow. "Now Master Tai Lung, I am well aware that the institution of marriage, particularly the ceremony itself, is something dear only to the feminine heart, but I'd hardly call wedding Tigress a jail sentence. It's not _that_ onerous, is it?" A small, knowing smile curled the corners of the aged tiger's lips, one Tai Lung didn't like at all.

"Or is there something you're not telling us, honored brother?" This came from De, who was sitting in the windowsill of the dormitory room, legs stretched lazily across and up at an angle, arms crossed casually over his broad chest. One green eye glinted from beneath the brim of the hat he wore tugged down over his face, soon exposed to view as he pushed the hat upward and sat up to grin suggestively himself. "I know you've gone and outdone your elders when it comes to indulging in the exotic—a South China tiger? Mm-_mmm_, your tastes are both unusual and divine, Gang!—but I had no idea Master Tigress was so…kinky. Ow!"

This last had been prompted by a roll of measuring tape which had suddenly come flying through the air to smack the farmer, hard, right in the middle of his spotted forehead. Even as he was rubbing his aching brow, Master Shifu was glaring at him as if seeking out another missile to hurl. "That is my _daughter_ you are disrespecting, Master Qiao. And if I can still paddle my son, I can certainly do the same, and worse, to you." With those ominous words, he turned back with a vindicated air to resume fitting Tai Lung for his robes.

While the preparation and dressing of the groom was hardly as convoluted, difficult, or afforded as much dedication and care as that of the bride, tradition still demanded that the affair be handled with respect, nobility, and courtesy. Naturally, between that and his determination to be personally involved in every aspect of the ceremony, right down to supervising the bunting, musical instruments, and fireworks which would factor into various parts of the day, there was only one person who fit all the requirements. So Shifu had taken it upon himself to properly garb his son…and as usual, he was accepting no guff from the snow leopard at all.

Po, at last having finished all the obsessive roasting, marinating, and spicing of the vast wedding banquet he'd planned, was now on call for moral support—which mostly consisted of striving, as ever, to help restrain the master of the Jade Palace's temper, with some actual physical effort in holding the feline upright whenever his struggles with the rich, unwieldy garb became too violent…or, though he hated to admit it, whenever his knees started getting too weak to support him.

Ostensibly, his brothers were also here for such things, as well as to wish him well in the time-honored ceremony and years of wedded bliss which lay ahead of him—but while Enlai offered any number of wise sayings and philosophical musings which wouldn't have sounded out of place at all coming from Oogway, as well as some genuinely useful, practical advice, De had either ignored the proceedings completely so as to lazily enjoy the summer sun streaming in through the window…or cheekily and smugly teased Tai Lung as mercilessly as Mantis and Monkey had the night before.

And Emperor Chen had arrived in the Valley of Peace in the early hours of the morning, with a surprisingly small and discreet retinue—from the courtiers' constant shell-shocked looks and aggrieved mutterings, as well as the tiger's equally prevalent air of self-satisfaction, it was clear the ruler of all China had taken an inordinate amount of pleasure in enforcing his will and demanding only the barest of formalities. Tai Lung would have given a great deal to have been a fly on the wall during _those _conversations.

Since ensconcing his toadies in the palace guest rooms, Chen had spent the rest of the day in idle chitchat, inspecting the premises, engaging in games of mahjong with Shifu, Enlai, and Ping, and even taking a few turns in the kwoon "just to stay in practice". (Many of the courtiers, despite surely knowing of their monarch's predilections, had been scandalized to catch him half-unclad and lathering up quite the sweat in the training hall; for some obscure reason, the maids and other female attendants he'd brought with him seemed to have quite a different reaction…)

The emperor had claimed a need to oversee as auspicious and monumental an occasion as the union of the leader of the Furious Five with the master of the Jade Palace…but somehow Tai Lung got the feeling, from how often he hung around the dormitory, that there was some other reason for his presence he had yet to reveal…

His train of thought was broken as Shifu finally succeeded in untwisting and rearranging the robes before Tai Lung tore his way out of them, then proceeded to tie them properly in place with a red silk sash. Once all was neat and orderly, with even his fur being washed, groomed, and brushed to an attractive sheen (he always _had_ been rather vain about his appearance), the red panda at last bade him kneel at the altar while he stood upon a footstool, so as to finish the ritual by placing a cap decorated with cypress leaves on his head. "There," he said, brushing his small hands with a fastidious air as he stepped back to admire his handiwork. "How does he look?"

The Dragon Warrior looked fit to be tied, as if he were very mightily struggling not to embrace himself; instead, he simply clenched his fists at his sides and swung his arms back and forth excitedly. "Well, he looks _awesome_ of course! What'd ya expect?" Tai Lung would have found the praise at least marginally more pleasing if it weren't the same sort of thing Po used to describe himself far too often.

Enlai was much more acceptable and appropriate, even as he was also generous. "Brother…you make me, and our whole family, so very proud." He stepped close, clasped both of Tai Lung's paws in his equally massive, callused and scarred grip, and then actually invaded his personal space (and without any sign of it bothering his masculine image) by embracing his kin. Even more surprisingly, Tai Lung let him. "I only wish my eldest sons could see you. Unfortunately their professions don't exactly allow for much time off for traveling or leisure. A blacksmith and a cobbler's work is never done! At least I can send that messenger of yours, Zeng, to apprise them of the wedding and how it goes."

Tai Lung managed a warm, forgiving smile as he placed a paw on his brother's shoulder. "That's quite all right, Enlai. I look forward to meeting them whenever they can visit." Sighing heavily, he made sure that the silken ball attached to his sash was secured on his shoulder, then turned and leaned wearily on the back of a chair, gazing into the mirror which was positioned not far from his desk. There was another stool nearby, and it looked very, very inviting.

"Tai? You okay, bud?" A black-furred paw rested on his shoulder, and he turned to see that of course Po was peering at him worriedly, his green eyes as warm and sympathetic as ever.

For a moment he was tempted to brush it off, to ignore his friend, even to push him away gruffly and make a sarcastic comment about the panda being far too touchy-feely. After all…even now, after all they had been through, he still did not feel he deserved a friend as true, selfless, and kind as Po. But at last he drew himself up, straightened out his robes yet again, and nodded. There were many ways he could answer the question, but only one that was truthful. Even if it would sound rather worrisome.

"I'm…I'm fine, panda. Or rather, I will be. There's just…so much to take in, y'know? This is such a big step…not like anything I've ever done before. And…I'm just not sure I'm ready…" His claws unsheathed and dug into the back of the chair, his fingers flexing hard enough to crack the wood.

Behind him, a snort of disbelief was followed by a derisive laugh. "I don't believe this. After all the work you went through to woo and win her, changing yourself and turning your life around all for her, _now_ you're getting cold feet, Gang?" De looked like he didn't know whether to burst out laughing or bury his face in his paws in despair.

For a moment a nettled look crossed the Dragon Warrior's broad face; then, almost against his own will, the corner of his mouth turned up and he started to chuckle. "What're you talkin' about? He's a _snow leopard_, they can't _get_ cold—"

Tai Lung snatched a pillow off the bed and with lightning speed smacked it into Po's belly. Gasping as the wind was briefly knocked out of him, the panda doubled over, then stumbled back to sit down hard on his rump.

Dusting his paws off with an air of satisfaction, he then turned to shoot a resentful glare at his brother. "For your information, De," he snapped, "no I do _not _have cold feet, not about Tigress, my love for her, or our sharing our lives together." Letting out a huge breath as the anger left him in favor of nervousness and concern, he shook his blocky head. "What I'm wary of is the ceremony itself. I don't want anything to go wrong…this is so important, to her, to Mother, to everyone…and after so long of doing everything wrong, I want to do something right for a change. Is that so much to ask?"

The room was silent for several long moments, save for the sound of birds chirping in the branches outside and, far distant, the hum and buzz of many voices drifting up from the village. Then Enlai crossed his arms over his broad chest and nodded decisively. "Don't worry, brother. None of us will let anything inauspicious happen. It will all come together, and your lives will be blessed, I guarantee it."

Even De nodded at that one, smiling warmly. "Of course, we've been through it before, we know just what to do to make it all right with the gods. Maybe you're not used to having brothers, but you'd better _get_ used to it. We've got your back." He paused, then pursed his lips as he pointed a somewhat accusing finger at Tai Lung. "So you'd better not be thinking of canceling the ceremony. I've got quite a lovely little minx lined up to accompany me, and I'm not going to have an empty bed tonight just because you're terrified of accidentally earning some bad luck."

For several long moments the room was silent again, this time with a very palpable shock and disapproval. Then, crossing his arms across his own massively burly chest, Emperor Chen eyed De knowingly, through narrow, slitted lids. "That wouldn't happen to be one of my chambermaids, would it?"

The farmer actually had the gall and audacity to feign innocence at first; then, even more stunningly, he shrugged and nodded casually, as if admitting to this fault in front of the Lord of Ten Thousand Years were no worse than accidentally tearing his best pair of trousers. "Why, yes, as a matter of fact, it would," he stated blandly.

The aged tiger bristled visibly—in fact his fur practically floofed—and then he whirled about to direct an incensed glare at Tai Lung. "This is utterly ridiculous. Simply intolerable! Do you have _any_ idea how many times this one has been reported in the rooms of my retinue? It seems to be his sole aim in life to work his way through as many of my maids as possible, in record time. If I hadn't known you were joined at the hip to Master Tigress, and elsewhere at the time, I'd have thought it was you, since the two of you are practically identical."

Stunned by this development, Tai Lung flicked his eyes to De, a reproachful look on his muzzle. His brother still seemed as unconcerned as ever, even suavely buffing his knuckles on his chest and grinning smugly to himself. Po, he saw, had risen from the floor and was now slowly sidling out of the line of fire, looking as if he longed to make himself small enough to slip out of the chamber unnoticed, and Shifu's eye was twitching so madly that he couldn't even speak, jaw working soundlessly and his whole expression one of abject horror.

_Well…at least I finally know where I get it from. Thank the gods this isn't just limited to me, I was starting to think I was some sort of sex maniac…_

Meanwhile, the emperor was still spouting off. "Would you _believe_, I caught him myself with a maid on each arm, when they were supposed to be doing their jobs? Now, I can cook and iron quite well on my own if I have to, thank you very much, but really! That is _not_ what I'm paying them for. Could you please tell this rapscallion to put an end to his ceaseless seducing of the members of my household? At this rate I expect him to make a special trip to Beijing and start sleeping his way through the Imperial court next."

As a very speculative look which Tai Lung didn't like at all crossed De's face, the master of the Jade Palace drew himself up to his full height and forced a blasé, even grave, expression onto his own features. _So this is why Chen's been hanging around all day. Must have been waiting for just the right moment to drop the heavy end of the hammer on him. _

He was rather appalled himself at his brother's behavior, but if anyone was to chastise De, it was him, not Chen. Blood ran thicker than water, and all that. Besides…this allowed him just a small measure of revenge… "Well, Your Majesty, maybe this will be a lesson for you in the future, that it's not a good idear to go around ogling my future wife in front of me," he said in a soft, smooth voice, even as a slow, wicked smile grew upon his lips.

Chen blinked and stepped back a pace, and for a moment a hurt, even guilty, look appeared on his striped face as his eyes shifted warily about. Then he began to splutter. "That…that was an entirely different matter! And you very well know it! Besides, you didn't see me inviting you to join in on a threesome with your betrothed."

Whipping his head about, Tai Lung caught his brother clasping his paws behind his head and whistling nonchalantly, eyes elevated to the ceiling. "You _didn't_."

"He did indeed." The ruler of all China was actually blushing as he now avoided meeting De's gaze. "Said there were plenty of girls to go around. By the Jade Emperor in Heaven, I am a married man!"

Tai Lung paused. "But, Your Majesty—you have a harem."

"It's the principle of the thing!"

He chose his words carefully. "Ah…well, while I _do_ sympathize, I can't exactly, er, control my brother. But he'll be going back to Qinghai after the wedding…"

Meanwhile, behind him, Enlai was also bristling as he glowered in disgust at De. "I cannot believe you. I simply _cannot_ believe you! Just because you're unattached does not give you the right…what do you think you're playing at, honored brother?" This last came out rather stilted. "You certainly won't find another wife this way. Hoping to get some sons at last? Why, if your daughters could see you now…"

The snow leopard had actually looked ashamed, even distraught, at this browbeating, suggesting their elder brother might have been right on the mark on more than one point. But then, as Enlai brought up children, De clenched his jaw and snorted, chuckling a bit nastily. "You're one to talk," he retorted. "How many kids have you got now, or did you lose track? And at your age too…and people say _I'm_ the one who's too active in the bedroom." Now it was Enlai's turn to flush and look shifty-eyed.

Finally, just when Tai Lung was about ready to lose his temper and declare Chen should banish his brother from the empire and be done with it—since that was the only way to curtail his womanizing ways—and De was describing in rather graphic detail just how men's libidos did not die with advancing age and it would be a travesty not to take advantage of this (something which had poor Po beet red and alternately hiding his face behind his paws and uttering strangled cries), Shifu intervened.

"We are wasting time, and the day is wearing on. I am certain Master De meant nothing by his…adventures, so you have no need to worry, your Majesty." As Chen began to grumble, the red panda held up a tiny paw. "And I am also certain that Master De will do his level best to make it up to you for this inconvenience…if not by refraining from further encounters, then by paying you a modest sum in return." As the snow leopard in turn began to protest, the Grand Master glared at him. "_Especially_ if he ever wishes to return to the Valley of Peace, or be welcome at the Jade Palace."

Hearing that, the farmer winced, shot Tai Lung an apologetic look, then sighed and bowed contritely to the tiger. "All right, fine. I suppose even I need a rest sometime." He winked impudently at Enlai. "And the harvest was good this year, I can spare a little something."

"The treasury thanks you," Chen deadpanned in an urbane drawl.

"_If_ that is settled then," Shifu concluded, "we can finish the ritual and move on."

Tai Lung nodded and took his place before the altar, bowing to the tablets of Heaven and Earth, then those of his ancestors (brought carefully wrapped and protected all the way from the family farm, of course). After he had also bowed to Shifu, then Enlai and De, the red panda clasped his paws inside his sleeves. "Very good, son. So, where is…Mrs. Qiao?" One eye twitched again.

"Right here," the familiar strong, feminine voice came from the doorway. Turning, Tai Ling saw Jian standing garbed in red as well, looking so revitalized and pleasured by the honor and glory of the occasion that she seemed much younger than her years. Smiling, she crossed to his side and embraced him tightly, then kissed each cheek before stepping back and grasping his shoulders so she could look up into his golden eyes. "You look wonderful, my son. I never dreamed this day would come…and now it is even more blessed than I could ever have expected. Everything is ready. Shall we get moving, then?" A winsome smile graced her lips. "We don't have all day you know, and after the wedding's over I'd still like a chance for some dinner."

The spotted feline grumbled a bit as she fussed over him, but didn't really protest—while it was a bit humiliating, it also felt rather good to have someone who loved and cherished him so unconditionally, even after all these years apart. Then he raised an eyebrow. "Really? Even after the great feast Po here has prepared? I don't know if I should be impressed or offended."

"Hush, you. So I've worked up a healthy appetite." Jian slapped him lightly on the belly. "I'd say you have one too, though it certainly doesn't show."

He grinned, then nodded, spreading his paws expansively. "Very well then, what would you like for dinner, Mother?" Feeling much better than he had only a few minutes ago, he scooped up what had been Shifu's teacup—while he did normally prefer black oolong, a bit of ginseng and jasmine should hit the spot, and steady his nerves.

"Thank you, dear, but I won't be having dinner here. I'll be dining in the village."

Tai Lung blinked. "Oh? I thought you had already sampled Mr. Ping's soup." He inhaled the steam, then took a long, generous drink.

"Indeed, I did, but I was asked out to dinner by this charming goat I met in the apothecary..."

Immediately the snow leopard sprayed his tea across the room, splattering both Chen and Shifu. Then he began to cough and choke violently.

De was there a few moments later to pound his back and hold him up by the shoulders, while Enlai apologized profusely on his behalf and helped the emperor mop up the spill on his royal robes. Po, on the other paw, was grinning openly and even began to laugh. Mantis, unfortunately, had filled the panda in on just what had happened between the snow leopard and Ning Guo one of the times Tai Lung had sent him in his stead for herbs…and after an initial bout of embarrassment and empathy, he had begun to find the whole matter as amusing as everyone else in the temple. And now…now he and the others had even more fodder to use against him, all thanks to his family being in the valley.

_Oh gods. Nothing can be worth this. There's still a chance to run away to Tibet…right, Tigress? Please say there's still a chance…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It should be fairly obvious, of course, from both this chapter and the previous one how much research I put into the wedding details. But what might not be obvious is that aside from the moment where Mei Ling is quoting the honorable virtues _Mulan_ said to the matchmaker, most of the other sayings and wise words she gives are legitimate, ancient, well-known wedding blessings. As for shout-outs, the only real one here is the extended metaphor of the calligraphy set, which Luna suggested to me by way of a similar scene involving crayons in _Sex and the City_. Of course I took it and ran with it, like I always do. Also, this time around I was definitely setting up a parallel between Tai's sister Zhin and Mei Xing from Luna's ["That's Why They Call It the Present"](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4371270/1/Thats_Why_They_Call_It_the_Present), complete with the same kind of first-time punch (albeit in the stomach instead of the jaw) and some of the same dialogue afterward. And the Tonkinese cat whom Tai accidentally kissed, and wanted him to cut his own switch, is a reference to Yeying from ["Memoirs of a Master"](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4576439/1/Memoirs_of_a_Master); it's not supposed to really be her, just an echo.


	3. So Treasure Your Love

Nevertheless, as the noonday sun shone down upon the Valley of Peace, Tai Lung and the rest of his entourage were ready and waiting at the arena gates—and when the first gongs and firecrackers sounded to herald their departure, they began as one the descent of the long staircase toward the village and the road they would take to the inn.

Since the happy couple did not, as yet, have their own house, the Jade Palace was the only place which truly stood in as a home to the snow leopard. However, there was no way either he or Shifu would force the poor porters to carry Tigress's sedan chair all the way up the endless steps—she weighed significantly less than Po, of course, but it would still be a strenuous, taxing journey which would also, in the end, be quite pointless. So instead the wedding pavilion had been erected at the foot of the mountain, where the moon bridge met the lowest set of statues from the former Vault of Heroes, and the groom's wedding party would only fetch Tigress and bring her to that point.

This still allowed for all the grandeur and traditional ceremony any family could want: while the master of the Jade Palace was accompanied by little Yi as an omen of his future sons (a duty the adorable bovine took very seriously, to judge by how she elevated her muzzle and strode along self-importantly in her long-sleeved _qipao_), his brothers as well as Enlai's sons, Meng and Bo, carried the bridal chair, covered in red satin and fresh garlands of flowers—the silk ball from his shoulder now riding atop it, having been placed there by Shifu.

Shifu himself descended alongside the chair, while Emperor Chen and Po brought up the rear. And of course the entire procession was preceded by a gigantic dancing lion puppet (bulls and horses were those concealed within the brightly colored paper), while any number of excited geese, pigs, and sheep acted as attendants—banging the drums and gongs, bearing lanterns and banners, setting off fireworks, and playing a joyful tune on their instruments. It was so much noise, color, and fanfare, such a shocking din compared to the twenty years of nearly-unbroken silence he'd experienced in Chorh-Gom, that the snow leopard was at once taken aback, overwhelmed, and even mildly terrified.

It was also still so unbelievable to him, that those who had once hated, feared, and distrusted him, who had once run screaming from his appearance in the village following his defeat, who had been so easily swayed, possessed, and manipulated by Heian Chao, could now be celebrating his impending marriage to Tigress with such unfettered and genuine enthusiasm. Granted, he had proved himself time and again, with his aid in ending the threat of Vachir, his destruction of Chao and bringing the Wu Sisters (save Jia) to justice, and the many good, heroic deeds he had performed in the first months of his mastery of the Jade Palace.

And yes, they had been exorcised by Oogway's staff, released from the hold of darkness and shown the plain, unvarnished truth of what they had almost done, what evil they themselves had been willing to commit in the name of ending his reign of terror. And Tigress's endorsement, as well as that of the Dragon Warrior and every one of the Five, had convinced them they were in the wrong, that he truly had changed and had placed his life on the line for them all. But that didn't stop Tai Lung from marveling all the same…or thinking privately that he still didn't feel he deserved it.

Some might consider this him being maudlin, unwilling to move on, let go of the past, and believe in himself. But he knew that he could never grow complacent, that he must always maintain his resolve, guard his emotions, and guide his choices with the principles and beliefs Oogway and his father had taught him, lest he slip once more into the pride, arrogance, and violent rage that had so nearly been his undoing. And he knew that he could never truly make up for what he had done, that even if he never made another mistake in his life, he would actually be spending the rest of his life doing good and proving (to himself as much as everyone else) that he was a hero after all. That being the case, he might never deserve forgiveness and redemption.

But…as he was also, finally, beginning to understand, just because he didn't deserve them didn't mean he wouldn't get them anyway. In all honesty, no one might ever truly deserve such mercy and divine forbearance, in this life or any incarnation. Yet he could not second-guess the gods, not anymore, not after what he had witnessed, learned, and done. If they chose to forgive him, who was he to gainsay it? He could not choose his rewards, any more than he could his punishments—or his duties and tasks, the latter chosen by his conscience and sense of honor, not anyone else's dictates. He simply had to accept and enjoy them while they lasted…and consider that maybe, just perhaps, his acceptance and happiness were merited after all.

He was shaken out of his thoughts, and let out a contented sigh (albeit accompanied by a wry, self-mocking smile) when he discovered they had wended their way through the village streets and were now arriving at the front courtyard of the inn. There, although he could see Tigress just inside the shadows of the timbered doorway, clad in a stunningly gorgeous gown he could never have imagined her wearing and made up (surely by Viper) into a model of feminine beauty, an array of figures stood before him and his party, blocking their path to what stood in for the bride's house.

Not just Mei Ling, Viper, Zhin, and Yan, but also Monkey, Crane, and Mantis as well. And from the looks on their faces, he knew he was in for quite the spirited and determined haranguing before these, her closest friends, would 'surrender' her to him…

The waterfowl, of course, wasn't so bad, his concerns couched in sincere, serious words. "Now, Tai Lung, you know I wish you nothing but the best with Tigress, and I want both of you to be happy. But I want to make sure this isn't going to adversely affect the Five. You know, what with her being our leader, and you being the Master of the Jade Palace…could be a conflict of interest there, a lack of objectivity…"

"No need to worry," Tai Lung reassured him; at least this was a point he could readily refute. "No conflict, I have no intention of ever telling Tigress what to do." He chuckled, more uneasily than he would have liked. _I might have had notions of doing that, once…but there's no way I'm that bloody idiotic, or suicidal, now. _

"Just…some timely advice now and then, offering my knowledge and expertise to make the Five's battles that much easier, and that much more badass. And I certainly won't let any…disagreements we may have spill out to affect the doings at the Jade Palace. The safety of the Valley, and eliminating dangers to the empire, is more important than that." _Just how I'll keep that to ourselves, I haven't the foggiest…just rein in my temper and hope Tigress will see the wisdom in keeping our two lives separate, I suppose. If not…seems I'll be paying for what I say in the kwoon in the bedroom…_ For the maintaining of peace in the temple, and for the sake of his love for the fiery kung fu warrior who had claimed his heart, he would swallow his pride and accept it.

He'd remember that thought, much later as well as repeatedly over the years, with chagrin.

Crane interlaced his wing feathers and coughed discreetly. "And, Tigress is like a sister to me, which means you will be like family to me as well. But with that privilege comes, ah, certain expectations…"

Tai Lung smiled at him. "You already know you're a good friend to me, Jien. And you already know I'll take good care of her—on the rare occasion she ever actually needs any help! She means the world to me…and so does your friendship." He passed over the first red packet of money he'd brought for the occasion (obtained first through wheedling, then demands and outright threats, from Shifu's miserly fist), and the avian kung fu master dipped his bill and stepped aside. However, the others, even if they were not openly hostile, were much less easy to handle in their determination to milk this for all it was worth.

Viper slithered close, peering up at him with a very smug and knowing look. "We'd better reinforce the doors and windows, so they don't keep us up tonight. In fact, we should stay in the inn instead, there's no way we'll get any sleep surrounded by rice-paper."

On her other side, Mei Ling looked just as mischievous and suggestive. "No worries making sure they consummate, either. How fast do you think she'll jump his bones?"

"Before we even get the door closed?" the serpent surmised playfully.

Tai Lung growled peremptorily to cut them off before anything more revealing—or mortifying—could pass through their lips. As if he didn't have enough reason to be furious with them, after the stunt they'd pulled on him the night before! Just because he'd been willing to break traditional rules so as to see his bride did not justify such a callous, twisted, underhanded trick! "_Yes_, ladies, very funny. We _all_ know how eager you are to get all the titillating details, but I'm afraid that for once we're going to insist on our privacy. So you'll just have to go somewhere else to get your perverse little jollies."

"I don't know," Viper mused. "I've always been very good at getting all sorts of stories out of Tigress…"

"Be my guest, but it's your funeral," the snow leopard purred darkly.

"Speaking of funerals," Monkey interjected as the serpent glowered with a slightly worried expression, "it's gonna be yours if you ever hurt Tigress. You know that, right?" The langur crossed his arms over his chest and hooded his gaze. "You do, and I'm gonna make Genghis look like a bunny making daisy chains. No offense," he added to one of the nearby rabbit vendors in the crowded street.

"Yeah, we'd go to prison for her," Mantis chimed in. "Just keep that in mind…"

Tai Lung regarded him coolly. "I've already been to prison, twiggy. You don't frighten me."

From alongside the sedan chair, Po chuckled. "He's right—he's out-hardcore-d all of us by a longshot." Monkey glared at him sullenly, unable to refute that point.

Continuing his line of thought, the ex-convict added, "Tigress, on the other hand, does. So don't worry—I won't ever hurt her." He would have further added, a bit petulantly he had to admit, that it seemed woefully unfair that everyone expected him to hurt his future wife…except his past and his track record didn't exactly speak well for his ability to control his temper.

Of course, the solemnity of the moment had to be ruined by De, who glibly and cheekily added, "Unless it's in ways she likes."

"Oh, _snap_!" Mantis cried, rather gleefully. Tigress, standing behind him in the courtyard, glared at him, then snapped one of the trailing ribbons from her sleeves to send the insect scuttling across the paving stones to get out of reach.

While the striped feline was regarding his brother with much the same smoldering fury, Tai Lung pressed his _ang pau _packets upon each of the others. When he got to the mountain cat, she smiled winsomely and kissed him, chastely, on the cheek…but as she pulled back, she spoke, quite loudly and clearly, in an innocent tone that didn't fool him for a minute. "Good luck, Tai Lung. Now, just make sure to get the right door this time, okay?"

Even as he was grumbling in annoyance, Monkey chuckled in satisfaction. "Yeah, pay attention, cat. Don't want you getting married with both eyes black and swollen shut now, do you?"

The already nervous snow leopard was about to clench his fist in the simian's direction, and was in fact growling under his breath at this reminder of his humiliation, when all of them were interrupted by a cool, though rather tart, voice from the inn courtyard. "Hmm. From what I was given to understand, if he did, it would be the fault of some of you as much as him, now wouldn't it?" Mei Ling and Viper jumped guiltily, and everyone turned.

Standing there with a decidedly disapproving air, clad in a very lovely pale blue dress, arms crossed and one ink-like eyebrow raised, was a woman he had rather hoped never to meet again in this lifetime—not unless he had a headstart and a clear space for making a mad break for freedom. A Tonkinese cat. _The universe must hate me right about now. Or did my…friends bring bad omens upon me?_

Even as he was wincing in anticipation of another beating, or at least a shrewish tongue-lashing, Tai Lung somehow couldn't look away as the slender feline strolled out through the inn archway to stand beside Tigress, the Five, and the rest of the wedding party. It was like watching a shipwreck, or Po's first attempts at weathering the obstacles in the training hall. Yet somehow the snow leopard found a smidgeon of hope beginning to kindle in his heart…for while the cat didn't exactly give him a friendly look, the glare she turned on the others, especially Mei Ling and Viper, was far worse…

"Master Tai Lung," she purred somewhat ominously. He cringed. "I'm sure you'll be pleased to know I didn't inform my husband about your little…case of mistaken identity last night."

Tai Lung simultaneously felt relief wash over him even as his throat constricted; a reprieve did not mean he was completely out of hot water. "Ah…that's good to know. Will he be…joining us?"

She smiled, rather frostily. "Not yet. I sent him on a little errand, to fetch a brooch for my dress. I do want to look my best for the wedding, after all."

It took a few moments for that to register. "What? You mean, you're not—?"

The cat showed a bit of fang. "I didn't say that. What I will say is, Master Tigress explained everything to me after you left. She seemed to think it was the right thing to do. And while I still don't approve of what you did, I have to admit that the passion, devotion, and affection you show toward your future wife is…very admirable. The same sort of thing my husband and I have for each other." She paused, and her expression softened marginally as she allowed herself a more genuine smile. "That being the case, I wish you both the best."

Even as everyone was staring at her in stunned silence, the woman turned and again glared at Viper and Mei Ling. "And I would also advise certain parties to refrain from including me in their pranks in the future. I don't care how important it is to teach someone a lesson—you don't shame and humiliate a lady like that." Her eyes skewered Monkey and Mantis. "Or laugh at another's misfortune." Turning away with an elevated nose, she tucked her paws in her sleeves and stepped into the street. "Now, if you don't mind, I need to go meet my husband." And with that, she disappeared into the crowd.

Tai Lung watched her go, and as the fear and self-recrimination began to fade, he found himself filled instead with respect and wonder—and more than a little determination. Suddenly, somehow, he found his heart surging with all the courage in the world. No more nerves, no more babbling incoherently as the moment got closer, no more complaining about the big crowd and uncomfortable clothing, or worrying about his acceptance in the Valley. Somehow, learning this unknown woman, even through her rightfully offended dignity, could be glad to see him and Tigress wed and would be wishing them well from the audience made him feel more brave, proud, and accomplished than he had since receiving his own kung fu style.

He knew he was going to have his beloved Tigress. He would be going to that ceremony, they would get married, and he would do his damnedest to ensure this was the best day of both their lives... at least until they had children, of course.

Turning to the others with a spring in his step and an out-thrust chest to rival the one he'd sported the day he believed he'd receive the Dragon Scroll, the snow leopard was pleased to see all those who had been arrayed against him were now unable to meet his gaze, or each other's. Sheepishly, Monkey accepted his packet of money; Mantis barely seemed to notice his as he stared stunned after the Tonkinese; and Viper offered him the most heartfelt look of contrition he'd ever seen.

To her, he returned a gentle smile to show he forgave her—the serpent meant well, really, and he had to allow that if someone else had been on the other end of her little joke, he'd likely have found it hilarious. To Monkey and Mantis, however, he gave his most smug, bright, beatific grin; he didn't say a word to lord it over them, and he didn't have to, for their realization that they had been thoroughly outmaneuvered was written all over their faces.

And Tigress? From what he could see behind her veil, she was smiling at him, slow and warm and wryly amused. Still, although he bowed to her, he knew that the only reason she was on his side was because what had occurred had all been an accident on his part. _If I ever kiss another woman again, I'll be losing my lips…and then something else I'm very attached to. _

After another few moments, Mei Ling flushed, coughed discreetly, and tried for a half-hearted smile as she moved over to kneel before Tigress. "Well, time to get this show on the road. C'mon, Tigress…as your _dajin_, I have to carry you to the sedan."

With a grace and delicacy that belied her usual violent, powerful moves in combat, the striped feline stepped into the mountain cat's cupped paws, then up her arm and shoulder until she was seated sedately on her back. As Mei Ling rose to her feet and bore the bride to her waiting chair, she pretended to stumble—or perhaps she really did, he couldn't tell—and then somehow, even after that dressing-down by the Tonkinese, the irrepressible feline managed to make another sly joke. "Oooff. And here I thought…you weren't supposed to gain this much weight…'til _after_ the nuptial chamber."

Tigress's posture didn't change, remaining as poised and stately as ever, and the smile she directed to the thronging villagers didn't even flicker, but he clearly heard the soft growl in her response. "One more crack about my weight, Mei, and I'll be taking pounds off of _you_."

Chuckling, then beaming in an even more naughty grin, Tai Lung turned back to join his place in the procession. _That's my girl_.

By the time the wedding troupe had reached the moon bridge, the sun had already reached high noon, and the brightly-lit Valley and village were even more thronged with wildly cheering, dancing, celebrating people everywhere he looked. As firecrackers continued to explode and burst in great displays of multicolored radiance and concussive sound, the bridal sedan—heavily curtained to keep Tigress from inadvertently glimpsing an unlucky sight—was carried over the wooden arch over the river, cast in shadow as the immense statues of the ancient kung fu masters stood reflected in the waters below.

On one side, Zhin shielded the chair with a parasol, while on the other Yan tossed rice; a sieve, _shai-tse_, which would strain out evil, and a metallic mirror, _king_, to reflect light were suspended at the rear of the sedan to keep out dark influences. Mei Ling, as well as the rest of the Five, Jia, and Tai Lung's little nieces and nephews, scattered grain and beans, symbols of fertility, on the planks before the procession.

Finally, they arrived before the brightly-colored, gaily decorated pavilion. As the four snow leopards lowered the sedan into place at the foot of the steps, the silk ball atop it was jostled loose and rolled off the side, falling into the startled paws of Wu Jia. For a moment the ex-assassin stared at this in bewilderment and wonder, for surely such a thing, on a day with this much portent and symbolism, must be a sending from the gods. Then, with a sly, sidelong glance at Po, who waited nearby with his paws knitted nervously, she pocketed the silk…

Tai Lung didn't have time to contemplate this, however, since Yan and Zhin were already placing the red mat before the sedan chair, lest Tigress's feet touch the bare earth as she dismounted…the lit stove was positioned before the entrance of the pavilion for her to step over, its fire again casting out evil influences…and suddenly, everyone was in position.

The Dragon Warrior and Crane stood nearby, both smiling encouragingly (the former actually pumping both fists in the air and cheering him on); Zhin's dimpled cheeks and Yan's matronly figure looked on in equal approval; Shifu and Jian were standing side by side, amazingly not killing each other for his sake. The rest of the Five, even Mantis and Monkey, looked excited and supportive; the Emperor was gazing out across the Valley with a magnanimous air, presiding over and blessing the event; Enlai and De were models of solidarity, determination, and honor; and…

Slowly the snow leopard turned his stricken face away from the other bearers of the sedan and buried it in his palm. Meng and Bo were actually posing, grinning charmingly, and even flexing for the ladies in the crowd. And even worse…quite a number of the girls were responding, and even some of the older women.

No. He wasn't going to let them ruin this moment for him. Let them have whatever fun they wished.

Turning once more, he finally stepped close to his bride and raised her veil so he could view her face and those bold, enchanting eyes. Tigress looked glorious, ravishing, a perfect vision, to the point he almost didn't recognize her. But then she spoke with one corner of her mouth twitching. "Took you long enough to get around to me." _There_ she was.

Eyes never leaving hers, paws clasped together in devotion and wonder, Tai Lung barely paid attention as Shifu and Jian conducted them to the family altar that had been erected inside the pavilion—but though he seemed oblivious, he still knew what to do, this part had been memorized well in advance. First came the homage paid to Heaven and Earth, then the Kitchen God, Tsao-Chün—fruit and flowers laid at each altar, while Po had prepared a plethora of candied walnuts, cinnamon dates, steaming rice, shumai, and bok choy for the Kitchen God.

He offered tea with two lotus seeds to Jian, while Tigress did the same to Shifu, and then he lit the incense sticks and placed them in the bowls. At last the two of them were led by Yan in kowtowing—to his ancestor tablets and those for Tigress's unknown family; to Jian and the rest of the Qiao clan; and of course to Shifu.

And just like that, after all the preparation and frustration, the stress and confusion, the complex arrangement and the long, long, _very_ long build-up…the ceremony was over. The marriage had been spiritually validated; Tigress had been welcomed into his family; all the rituals were performed, their union made valid in the eyes of society—and they were wed. All that was left was one final thing.

Smiling at the leader of the Furious Five, Tai Lung felt the last of his nervous sweat trickle beneath his robes as he picked up the wine goblet and offered it to his wife for her to drink. This was not part of the ceremony, in fact it wasn't traditional at all—but then they weren't exactly a traditional couple, now were they?

Swallowing, Tigress smiled back at him with joy, hope, and a humility he'd never seen in her before. "Thank you, Tai Lung. You showed me there is no failure or shame in being wrong…to look beyond the surface and find what is truly in another's heart…and to believe that anyone can change, anyone can learn from their mistakes, and anyone can become a hero. Thank you for being the man I need, that I didn't even know I was looking for."

The snow leopard took his own drink from the goblet, and not only because the ritual required it; his throat was dry and his heart pounding a mile a minute in his chest. Then he set it aside. "No, thank you, Tigress. You know that for all of Shifu's lessons, and despite how much Po believed in me, it was you who helped me change for the better. They showed me the way, they taught me what to do, but it was because I wanted to earn your love that I did it. I still do…and every day, I think to myself, 'What would Tigress do? What would she want me to do?' Because when I look at you, I see the kind of person I want to be."

Unsurprisingly, tears stood in both their eyes; more surprisingly, neither of them attempted to hide it from all the witnesses or from each other, nor did they brush it off.

"When two people are at one in their inmost hearts," Tigress said slowly, sincerely, "they shatter even the strength of iron or of bronze."

"And when two people understand each other in their inmost hearts," Tai Lung finished the verse, "their words are sweet and strong like the fragrance of orchids." He smiled a little lopsidedly; it was only fitting they use this poem to speak their vows to each other, for they had found it in one of Oogway's books.

"_Bái tóu xié lăo_," his wife murmured—but then she grinned naughtily and added coyly, "But if we're going to be together till we have white hairs on our faces, I'm afraid _you're_ going to get them first, darling."

A pause. "Shut up," he said, fondly, and then kissed her.

By the time that kiss ended, and they had left each other's arms, the cheering and exploding fireworks and applause could never drown out the surging roar of his excited, pounding heart. Turning about, one arm wrapped around each other's waists, they stood facing out across the Valley—Tigress smiling in cocky vindication, and (he was afraid) a rather goofy, bemused grin plastered on his own muzzle—waving to the celebrating citizens and basking, at last, in their new status.

They weren't given much time in the limelight, of course. For almost immediately a grinning Viper was at Tigress's side. "Okay, you two, now get in that bedchamber!"

Mantis almost seemed to materialize out of thin air on Tai Lung's shoulder. "Yeah, I got some pretty steep bets riding on this!"

"You _what_?" The snow leopard balled a fist instinctively.

"Don't _make_ us come in there and watch!" Mei Ling wagged a finger at them. "To make sure you're doing it right, that is. Or just to see the merchandise."

"What're you talkin' about?" Monkey snickered. "We don't even need to barge in, we've already seen it all."

"Well, _I _haven't!" Jia whined petulantly.

"Yeah, everyone _else_ got to see it," the mountain cat smirked. "I'm the only one who didn't walk in on them—don't I get to find out if Tigress really is a lucky bi—?" She was cut off by Crane clapping a wing over her mouth and dragging her out of the pavilion.

Po was blushing furiously and covering his ears to block this raunchy exchange out. "La la la, I'm not listenin'!"

"Actually," Shifu cut in with a smirk of his own, "I'm more interested in seeing how long Tigress can stay still while everyone peeps in at her."

Now it was the striped feline's turn to growl. "I can make sure you stay still a _lot_ longer than that, Father…"

A small smile appeared on Enlai's goateed muzzle as he stroked it. "I do wonder what sort of stunts she can be made to pull."

"I'm more interested in the intimate gestures." De waggled his eyebrows.

"I've got an intimate gesture for you…!" Tai Lung snapped at his brother.

Before either half of the 'happy couple' (which was now decidedly smoldering) could launch any salvos of their own, or resort to some very therapeutic kung fu to get their point across, Chen thankfully intervened. "That's quite enough," he intoned darkly, interposing his robed figure between them and the rest of the wedding party. "I do believe they've earned more than enough peace, quiet, and respect. Let them have their private time together. And you can consider that an Imperial command." Over his shoulder, the aged tiger shot them a wink.

"Thank you, Your Majesty!" Tai Lung burst out, relieved. "How can we ever repay you?"

"I'll think of something," the Son of Heaven smiled knowingly.

The snow leopard exchanged a long, worried look with Tigress. Then, with those vague and troublesome words, Tai Lung grabbed his beloved's paw, hurried out of the pavilion, and fled with her up the steps to the Jade Palace as quickly as they both could manage.

* * *

Night had fallen over the Jade Mountain, and silvery rays of moonlight spilled in shimmering waves across the ancient counters, well-worn stone floor, and battered wooden table of the kitchen as Po puttered about in silence, save for his occasional happy humming to himself. After the long, _very_ long, day (which had almost seemed longer than its usual twenty-four hours), and all the days of preparation which had led up to it, the panda was far too keyed up to sleep.

So, after tossing and turning in bed until he could stand it no more, his stomach had decided the issue for him, growling in no uncertain terms that he would be feeding it its midnight snack, _now_. Which was why he was here, checking to make sure the last of the dishes and leftovers from the feast were cleaned and stored away, respectively, and washing the pans he'd used to make his food, while said dish was cooking merrily away in the oven.

He sighed contentedly to himself, licking the mixing spoon clean and then washing it thoroughly under the sink's pump as he reflected on the day's events. There had been some hairy moments, times when everything that could go wrong had, more than a few hiccups and false starts, times when Viper, Xiulan, or Jian had hurriedly intervened to prevent a terrible omen from being viewed or an unlucky act from coming to pass.

And of course poor Tai Lung had been at the center of it all, so bewildered, bothered, and beleaguered by all the spectacle and tradition. But all in all, in the end, it had worked out and come together beautifully. Now he and Tigress were wed. And Po could not have been happier if he'd married the striped feline himself.

The Dragon Warrior snorted derisively, snickering under his breath. _As if** that** would've ever happened!_ After all, he only saw the leader of the Five as a hero and idol, and a very dear sister, nothing more nor less, and even after she'd gotten over her contempt and resentment toward him, she in turn saw him as a student, a master already on his way to becoming a legend, and a brother.

Why some gossips in the Valley—_including my own dad, darn it!_—insisted on pairing him and Tigress up, he had no idea. Some people would just see romance prospects and naughty innuendo anywhere, he supposed, even between people where it was manifestly impossible. _But the next time one of 'em comes up t' me an' asks me why I didn't get crackin' before Tai got to her, an' "tame that fiery warrior into a nice, well-behaved lady who'd give honor t' any family", so help me, I might just forget I'm Mr. Nice Panda. _

Sighing and blowing out his cheeks to release the tension and annoyance, Po shook his head in bemusement, then set the kettle on to boil for tea. And right as he did so, and had stoked the oven's fire to the proper temperature, a pair of slim, slender arms wrapped around his body from behind as a soft, breathy voice whispered in his ear. "Now, now, big guy, I can think of a much better fire you should be building."

The bear slammed the oven door closed as he almost leaped a foot off the floor. "Ahhh! _Jia!_ Don't _do_ that!" Whirling around with surprising speed for one of his size—fear and adrenaline could do wonders, it seemed—he clapped a paw to his chest as he glared at the snow leopardess. "Do ya _want_ me t' burn myself?"

"Oh, I bet you could heal it with those nifty Dragon Warrior powers of yours," the ex-Wu Sister brushed it off nonchalantly, smiling as she ran her spotted tail along his leg. "Or even your water _chi_."

Po furrowed his brows. "What do you think I am, a Shaolin monk? I can do a lotta stuff, but that ain't one of 'em." _Not yet, anyway. What's healin' wounds next to purifying a holy pool? _

He rubbed at his chest, trying to soothe his heart back into a steady rhythm again; Shifu had said if he didn't lose some weight, or at least get in better health overall, he could endanger his heart, and he didn't need scares like this to make his chances worse. The fact Ping kept telling him, in a wonderful bit of contradictory advice, that there was nothing wrong with enjoying good food and a little fat could always offer him extra protection in combat, didn't help either.

By the time he was calmer again, Jia had sat down on one of the benches at the kitchen table and was still smiling winsomely at him. "So, couldn't sleep?"

"Yeah," he admitted, then couldn't help but chuckle as he remembered something he'd forgotten, first amid all the excitement of the day and then while making his snack. "An' I guess I'd better be stayin' up late anyway. I kinda promised Tai I'd be here when his mom got home from her, um, date."

The snow leopardess laughed out loud, quickly stifling it behind her paw so as not to wake the other residents of the palace. "What? Okay, I guess it's kinda sweet he's looking out for her and all, but just how old does he think she is? And doesn't he kind of have the roles reversed, there?"

"Well…" Po began reluctantly, rubbing the back of his neck. "Yeah, he does want to make sure she's not taken advantage of, and Mr. Ning is a bit, er, outspoken an' stuff…" _Oh just come out an' say it, he's a raunchy, randy old goat!_ He'd have to wonder himself if the apothecary would do right by Tai Lung's mother, if he hadn't asked Jian how they'd met and found it had been through a perfectly innocuous visit to his shop so she could purchase herbs, medicines, and other remedies she wasn't able to get at her isolated farmstead.

But thinking of the store reminded him of the real reason Tai Lung was so nervous at the prospect of Jian and Ning Guo dating even once. And while he knew the snow leopard would likely kill him if he found out his best friend had tattled on him, he couldn't resist telling Jia the rest of it. _He teases me often enough_, he thought defensively. _'Bout time I get t' turn th' tables. _

So…he told her everything, since of course Jia had no idea who the goat even was let alone why he disturbed Tai Lung; at the time the two had met, Jia had been…a little occupied elsewhere. And by the time he had finished describing in somewhat tongue-tied manner the jaunt to fetch birth control, which Mantis had relayed to the panda with a significant amount of gleeful relish after Ning had informed him, Jia was barely able to restrain her laughter and tears of mirth were pouring down her cheeks. "Oh my…oh no…he _didn't_! Poor Tai Tai…"

Somehow she didn't sound particularly sympathetic, however. In fact she was falling forward onto the table, burying her face in her arms to muffle her giggles and shrieks of hilarity. At least, so Po could tell the few times he could look at her, since the rest of the time he was in the same position, trying very hard not to roll off the bench onto the floor with his paroxysms.

When they had both finally gotten it out of their systems and were leaning weakly against the table, wiping away tears, Po shook his head sadly and propped his chin up on one paw. "Yeah, poor Tai. He really wasn't havin' a good day. Did ya see th' way he almost freaked when Chen was insinuatin' he wanted some kinda favor? I thought all his fur was gonna puff out."

Jia gave him an amused, wry look. "Well you can tell the spotted stud from me, he has nothing to worry about. I, ah, happened to overhear when our emperor was talking about it later with Master Shifu. He just wants Tai Tai to come to the capital and teach him and his soldiers some kung fu, that's all. After the honeymoon, of course." She winked. "I think it's the Leopard Claw Chen wants to know first."

"Really? His nerve strike? That's…that's pretty awesome!" The panda tried to inject as much sincerity and excitement into his voice as he could, for it actually was amazing news…and he very much wanted to hide how he was truly feeling.

On the one hand, Jia's eavesdropping rather reminded him of how he'd caught Tigress and Tai Lung conversing all those times on the way to Yunxian—she even used the same euphemism he had!—and while that suggested a commonality between them…at the same time, that made him more like Jia the Wu Sister. It was another way in which he seemingly took after his parents… And the fact Jia so casually referred to Tai Lung with such a lustily appreciative term had to make him wonder, all over again, how she truly felt about _him_.

He still had no idea, really, beyond the fact she clearly considered him a friend and liked spending time with him. Almost as soon as she'd returned to the Valley they had begun swapping kung fu stories, particularly about what she, Mei, and Crane had been doing for the last three months, and how any new styles or weaponry she had learned could be complemented by everything Po had been learning in the kwoon, especially from Tai Lung.

But this was hardly a basis for a romantic relationship. And while one of the first things she'd asked him, in a very teasing and mischievous way that would have had him flustered no matter what her words were, was whether he'd been dating, when he had finally managed to stop blushing and turn the question back on her, her answer had been decidedly vague.

Po knew he wanted her, as much as he had anything in his life apart from being a great kung fu warrior. He'd fallen for her gradually, over those three months after Heian Chao's defeat, but as hard as Tai Lung had for Tigress. Her playfulness, her joy for living, how well they got along—it all made his heart beat faster, made him blush, but it was also something he wanted to see and enjoy every day for the rest of his life. It was enough to make him want to leave his dad, leave the Jade Palace and his training, and go along with her, Crane, and Mei Ling when they journeyed again, just so he could be with her, near her.

Except…he knew it was all just a fantasy. The most charitable interpretation he could give to her gestures, touches, and suggestive commentary was that it was simply Jia being her usual playful self, nothing more. Even if she had truly gotten over her desire for Tai Lung, had given Tigress her blessing with him, and been willing to celebrate their marriage today, he knew with the prescience of truth, as a sinking feeling of something cold, wet, and solid rolling about distressingly in the pit of his stomach, that she could never be romantically interested in a younger, fat panda.

"_Fen_ for your thoughts," Jia suddenly drawled, casually and with that cutely charming smile that had first caught his attention at the shore of that lily-covered lake near Henan.

"Huh? Oh!" Floundering about sheepishly, he quickly tried to cover and hoped he hadn't given himself away by visibly mooning over her. "Uh…I was just, uh, wonderin' why _you_ were up so late."

The snow leopardess shrugged. "Not really sure. I've always loved the night, though. It's a cat thing, just ask Tai Tai. You could say it's my element, even though I'm not an assassin anymore." She paused and grinned. "And you should know all about elements, big guy, you control one."

While he was still trying to figure out how to respond to that, Jia went on. "Speaking of elements, you sure seemed to be in yours today, with all the work you were putting into the wedding feast. I know you're a lot more of a natural at kung fu than everyone thought, but are you sure you didn't miss your calling?" She reached over and placed her small paw on his larger, black-furred one. He flinched involuntarily, even as he felt a rush of heat and knew he was starting to blush.

"I've been watching you, Po. And the energy and passion you've been putting into your cooking is the same as I've seen you put in kung fu. You just have this gleam in your eye, and a big smile on your face, when you do both. I know you're the cook here at the palace now…but did you ever think maybe you should go back to your father's restaurant? I bet you're perfectly capable of handling that and being the Dragon Warrior at the same time."

The panda blinked, not expecting that at all, and for a few moments he actually forgot about her paw resting on his as he sat back and considered it. It was true he'd always felt cramped, literally, at his dad's noodle shop, and that even if there'd been plenty of room for a giant panda, his dreams would have always led him to look outside those walls, up to the Jade Palace where he wistfully hoped he could one day learn kung fu, be a great warrior who would bring peace, harmony, and good will throughout the empire.

But did that mean he had to completely forego his former life? He would never want to leave Ping in the lurch…and he had to admit that when there was no pressure, when instead of being on demand every single day by irate customers and his father's fevered litany of incoming orders, he could set his own pace, cook what he wanted to and when he wanted to…it was relaxing, and it made him proud.

"Well…I don't know," he said at last, lamely. "Maybe? I…I gotta think about it more, y'know? Gotta be sure I can balance it all, an' I don't want anybody thinkin' I won't be there t' protect th' Valley 'cause I'm too busy with my wok. But sure…if I can, maybe. Yeah." He smiled at her, then turned the expression a bit lopsided. "Don't have t' decide right away though, Jia. Ever since I started livin' at th' Palace, an' especially after we fought Chao, Dad's been lookin' for another chef.

"An' he finally found one, I met him at the wedding festival. Biggest tiger I've ever seen! But that's how they grow 'em in Siberia. Real nice though, kind, courteous, friendly. Even says he has some new recipes he wants my dad t' try out, I guess he's quite the guy t' have in the kitchen. He's got these _awesome_ desserts he invented—what'd he call 'em, Tiger's Eye dumplings?—you just gotta try one before ya leave."

He was proud of himself for not allowing a catch to enter his voice at that last word—and for how he didn't allow a trace of insinuation or bitterness to bleed through as he added, "Oh, and apparently, he's hot. Or at least, Viper sure was drooling over him."

"Oh, _really_?" Jia lidded her violet eyes with a smoldering gaze, resting her chin on her own paw in turn. "Tell me more…"

"Hush, you." He swatted her playfully, even as inside his heart he was burning with jealousy, and rather wishing he could suggest Ping and this new tiger chef should go off and set up shop somewhere far from the Valley of Peace.

Burning? He sniffed the air, then hurriedly jumped up and ran to the oven. Just in time, he rescued the dish from within and set it out on the counter to cool. As he flapped his apron over it to send the steam billowing out the window, he said, "Speaking of dessert, mine's ready. Though it's not really mine. This is an old family recipe of Viper's." He was about to say more when the kettle began whistling.

As Jia crossed over and took it off the heat, then added the tea leaves to let it steep, Po got down the bowls and spoons the two of them would need, just as he had the night Tai Lung first began training him—for indeed, he had made the same rice custard they'd cooked then. Familiarity bred comfort, after all, and it _had_ been good.

Soon enough both of them were seated at the table again—this time side by side, an arrangement that made him nervous and puzzled him all over again. But Jia merely seemed to be settling in a comradely way as she began sampling the sweet dish, and he had to wonder if once again his own expectations and yearnings weren't misleading him. Maybe that touch of paws had just been a friendly gesture after all, a supportive one to stress her point. Not…something more. No matter how she'd held it there longer than he felt was normal.

Unsure of himself, the panda watched as Jia closed her eyes and made soft murmurs of pleasure and delight while she sucked the custard from her spoon. "Mmm…delicious. Best I've ever had. You really do have a gift, big guy."

"Uh…thanks. But…it's just custard. Nothing special about it or anything." He wriggled uneasily on the bench.

The snow leopardess smiled at him, then winked. "Really? Well remind me sometime to give you one of Mother's recipes. The things that come out of Kunlun Shan can really be…decadent."

For a moment Po could only blink and stare at her, as special desserts was the last thing he'd have expected the terrifying Wu Qing to have specialized in. But then, just as he realized she must have been referring to Xu Mei, Jia did something that only prolonged his stunned silence—reaching up with her spoon, once more filled with custard, to feed it to him. Involuntarily, he swallowed…swallowed again, this time with an awkward gulp, as Jia brought her other paw up to gently stroke his cheek…and then he realized something and hurriedly looked down.

The feline's slender thigh was right next to his, pressing against it.

"Uh…"

"Yes?" She set the spoon down in the bowl, smiled at him suggestively, and leaned in very close. Could she…could she actually want him to…?

He was just leaning in and down, bringing his muzzle tentatively toward hers, when suddenly someone came into the kitchen.

Hurriedly he scrambled back away from Jia to the other end of the bench, though he needn't have worried since the figure who strolled in as if he owned the place didn't even seem to be paying attention to them at all. For a moment he thought it was Tai Lung (and therefore someone who _did_ own the place, sort of), but then he realized it was his brother De.

And a few seconds after that, he realized the older snow leopard was as naked as the day he was born…and Po's brain shut down.

Whistling jauntily to himself, his fur looking rather disheveled but a spring in his step and quite the blissful smile on his face, the farmer finally seemed to notice they were there—not that it made a difference, since he not only made no effort to cover himself but didn't seem bothered by his nudity at all. Or consider that others might be. "Oh, didn't see you there. Sorry about that, only take a moment…"

Crossing over to the pantry, the moonlight running over his bare spotted shoulders—and presumably much lower, but Po _refused_ to look—De searched for a few moments on one of the interior shelves, then let out an exclamation of satisfaction. Turning back around again, though the panda wished he hadn't, he displayed a pawful of plums and winked. "There we are. Just where little brother said they'd be."

As it sank in just what De was referring to, and why Tai Lung would have been telling him of this, Po went pale and started spluttering. He did not consider himself a prude, but there were _some_ things you didn't do in public if you wanted to be considered polite and mannerly! Not to mention, well, the panda knew he was a little too naïve and innocent for his own good…

Beside him, Jia giggled, though whether at his surely disgusted expression, spread paws, and hanging jaw or at De's flagrant shamelessness he didn't know. "Well, somebody's happy to see us. What, ah, _else_ is up?"

"Oh, just spending some…quality time with those lovely maids I met today." The snow leopard grinned and crossed his arms over his chest as he chewed on a plum reflectively.

Finally Po found his voice, even if he did stammer. "What? But I thought Chen told you to—and you promised—"

"I didn't promise anything," De scoffed. "If you recall, the only thing I said I _might_ do was give our esteemed emperor a little reparation for my adventures. And that I'd rest a bit." He smirked. "Well, I'm rested…and I still have plenty of money to make up for this if I have to. Besides, this is what Chen gets for depriving all of us of some fun with the happy newlyweds."

"And the reason you're in the fur?" From the sound of Jia's voice, she didn't seem too offended by his state of undress. Po bristled inwardly.

De shrugged. "This late? I didn't think anybody'd be up. And I've got my dates over in my guest room in the dormitory, so I thought I could slip over here real quick and—" He turned to gesture toward the bunkhouse.

"Gah, watch it!" Po cried, scooting back yet again on the bench until he almost fell on the floor. "Jeez, you could put someone's eye out with that thing!"

The snow leopard peered down at him, raised an eyebrow as ink-black as…other portions of his anatomy, and then smiled confidently in a way that reminded him far too much of Tai Lung. "No need to be envious. Just to show I'm a good sport, I'll even let you join in. What do you say, Dragon Warrior? Come on, let's make a man out of you."

Po turned so red he felt as if he'd faint from the rush of blood. As he wished he could be as small as Mantis so he could crawl away somewhere and hide, De laughed and turned away. "Fine, I'll respect your wishes, son. You two lovebirds have a good night, then." And he strolled back out of the kitchen again, tail lashing slowly behind him.

_Lovebirds? Nah, it can't be! He's just seein' things 'cause he's such a letch. No way Jia could want me after seein'…that._

For several long moments the room was utterly silent. Then, with another soft chuckle, Jia reached over and placed a paw over his once more. He whipped his head around and stared at her with something akin to what he imagined a target would feel like as an archer aimed at it.

As if she'd read his mind, the snow leopardess said, "Calm down, big guy. You're as tense as a bowstring! Don't mind him, he's just what they call in Shanghai an exhibitionist. Here, let me fix you some of that tea, you look like you could use it." And with another squeeze of his paw, she rose to fetch the kettle and a cup and saucer.

When she returned to pour him the tea, there was something very odd about the way she looked at him—a very suggestive, contemplative smile. But for the life of him he couldn't put his finger on what it was, or what it could mean…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right off the bat I will admit Tai telling Tigress 'Because when I look at you, I see the kind of person I want to be' is a line Peter the Muggle used in his Taigress shuffles, which he got from _Scrubs_, and is used with permission. It was just too beautiful and says precisely what I think Tai feels about Tigress. And considering Peter says the way he was writing the couple is based on how I wrote them, and that he wouldn't even have written them if not for me, it only seems fitting this line also appears in my work. Also, for anyone who actually isn't familiar with it, the titles of this vignette's chapters come from the Impressive Clergyman's speech in _The Princess Bride_.
> 
> More research: the poem Tai and Tigress quote at each other is another well-known wedding blessing; the line "_Bái tóu xié lao_" literally refers to the "white hairs of old age" and is the Chinese equivalent of saying "till death do us part"; and the part where Shifu was talking about seeing Tigress stay perfectly still while Enlai and De talked about stunts and intimate gestures is all a reference to the nuptial chamber, where after the wedding the bride had to stay still unless given permission to move by her husband (obviously Tai was not going to try and enforce that, but you can see why Shifu would be amused at the thought of seeing it), and both bride and groom would be teased by family and friends coming into their room and making them perform stunts and gestures. 
> 
> Sorry for another tweaking of the shippers' noses out there, this time the Pogress shippers. But you may notice that the lines Po thought to himself, if taken out of context, could apply to any pairing, including Taigress, of course. Isn't self-parody fun? ^_^ And that new tiger chef working for Ping is good ol' Dalang from Luna's "Present". Finally the last bit, with the pouring of tea? That's something a new bride traditionally does for her husband...so you can see why Jia is being so thoughtful. Poor Po doesn't have a clue though. Yet.

**Author's Note:**

> Text copyrighted 2010. Originally posted on Fanfic Dot Net. Enjoy!


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